Dating used to be so simple-- ask a girl out, go on a single date, get married two weeks later. But ever since 1957, that simple system has gotten more and more complicated. And nothing has screwed us up more than Facebook. Here's how things have changed since this social monkey wrench has been thrown into the dating machine.
1. Dating Algorithms All KINDS Of Messed Up
It used to be that if you wanted to date someone, you would call them three days after you met them. Now you have to wait two days to friend request, three to write on their wall, six to comment on statuses, and fourteen to send a message. Wait-- do we think three is too quick to write on their wall? Dear God, can I take it back? Delete delete delete. Do you think she saw it? Balls!
2. No More "Feeling Out" Period
The worst part about dating is the long, arduous process of spending time with someone to find out if you like them. Now with Facebook, you can immediately find out if they do awesome things like watch Arrested Development or annoying things like linking their Twitter to Facebook. Twitter is for Twitter, people!
3. Amazing First Dates Instantly Planned
"How did you know I would love watching Harry Potter movies while swimming?! What a perfect date!" Make sure you toss your laptop a nice little wink for the intel.
4. Less Bitter Friends
Before Facebook, you had to hang out with your wretched single friends a few times to see how miserable your happiness would make them. Now you can simply put up a picture of the new significant other kissing you on the cheek. Stop hanging out with everyone who unfriends you-- they're miserable and are just going to bring you down. Good riddance, I say! Don't those miserable trolls know how amazing flowers smell and how beautifully birds sing?
5. Longer Average Relationships
This is almost certainly because it's so hard to find where in your profile settings you change your relationship status. Jesus, to find that option you have to just dig through, like, thirty different levels of menus. It's like Facebook's user interface was designed by Christopher Nolan.
6. You Know More About Their Friends
Before Facebook, getting acquainted with all of your significant other's friends was more of a slow burn. But now you have the option of friending every one of your significant other's friends. Why would you do this? To keep your friends close and your enemies closer? That's crazy. And BRILLIANT. Mostly crazy.
7. Quicker Breakups
Yes, now you can simply dash out a quick message to breakup with someone. Although, I don't get why this kind of message also makes flowers smell so bad and causes birds make such horrible screeching sounds.
8. Friend Suggestions Can Ease Heartbreak
If you date a girl and it doesn't work out, maybe Facebook will friend suggest you someone like her, but better! She's not there now, but keep clicking refresh. Again. Again. Click it again. Maybe this time. Click again. Dammit. Again.
9. Instant Confidence!
Since the invention of Facebook, projecting confidence in yourself has become as simple as clicking "Like" on all of your own photos, status updates, and even comments on other people's pages. A recent study found that women believe the most attractive thing a man can do is be confident.
Although, as I continue to read, the same study found that the LEAST attractive thing a man can do is like their own content on Facebook.
Well now I don't know what to think!
How has Facebook changed your dating life? Let us know in the comments!
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