While American researchers are spending all their time coming up with new ways for old people to have long blonde hair and boners, a Japanese researcher , Mitsyuki Ikeda, has come up with a way to extract protein from human waste and turn it into meat. That's right: burgers made out of your crap.
The meat, pictured above, is intended to be a supplementary food source as resources become more scarce in the face of global warming, incredibly uneven food distribution, and population increases.
In other words, while the wealthy continue to chomp down on animal meat, the poor would be fed their own waste. Basically it's every dystopian nightmare anyone's ever thought of come true. On the plus side, the crap burgers apparently taste a lot like beef!
Ironically, however, right now because of the costs associated with making human ***t into food it's actually quite expensive to buy Mitsyuki's waste meat, which makes it a delicacy. Other delicacies include caviar, which is unfertilized fish eggs. So if you want to feel rich just sit down to a giant plate of human waste and unborn fish children. Mmmm the sweet taste of success!
The burgers are very healthy, high in protein, with carbohydrates and minerals. In other words, burgers made out of synthesized human waste are considerably better for you than Cheetos. So every time you eat a Cheeto, remember that what you're eating is less good for you than processed feces.
Seeing as Mitsyuki is referring to his invention as "sewage mud," I feel like he should really hire someone else to market it for him. Other better names for his crap burgers include: "Enjoya-bites," "Festering lumps of fun," and "Pretend this isn't happening patties."
This is a short video that begins with Mitsyuki staring creepily at his burger for too long and then goes into an interesting explanation of his process and motives. Now if only if he can figure out a way to isolate the carbohydrates in a stream of urine to make a side of fries.
Would you eat a human feces burger? Let us know in the comments!
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