Man music is great! Right guys? The other day I was at a party and this guy started playing the guitar in the middle of everything and singing to a girl, it wasn’t creepy AT ALL! Except for the fact that it was INCREDIBLY creepy. But it got me thinking, most music is written for or about other people and most music is, inherently, creepy. So I put together a list of the 10 creepiest song lyrics.
10. Invisible – Clay Aiken
Creepiest Lyric: “If I was invisible, then I could just watch you in your room.”
No wonder his career died fast. We’ll ignore the fact that Clay Aiken sang a song where he wished he could hide in a closet forever and go to the fact that this is creep city 5000. This lyric sounds kind of rape-y and yet nobody seems to care. Clay Aiken should have to go door to door whenever he moves into a new neighborhood and confess to writing this song.
9. I’m Shipping Up to Boston – Dropkick Murphys
Creepiest Lyric: “I’m shipping up to Boston, to find my wooden leg.”
So THAT’S why he’s going! I forgot about that scene in The Departed where Leo got wasted and had his leg cut off. People must just mumble over that part when they’re singing this song at Red Sox games.
8. All the Girls Love Alice – Elton John
Creepiest Lyric: Getting your kicks in another girl’s bed, and it was only last Tuesday they found you in the subway dead.”
Hey Elton John, we get it was the 70’s, but come on man! This song is about a young girl who sleeps with older and younger women because she’s not attracted to men. What happened to writing what you know Elton? His buddy Bernie Taupin did scribe the lyrics, but still, they’re weird. And I’m not sure if there are any laws about LISTENING to child porn, but if there are, this song needs to be flagged.
7. Blinded by the Light – Bruce Springsteen
Creepest Lyric: In the dumps with the mumps as the adolescent pumps his way into his hat.”
A pretty and powerful song for sure, RIP Clarence. However, this masterpiece can easily be looked at as having some of the creepiest lyrics of all time. Supposedly all the imagery is meant to represent…well…the idea of one pleasuring one’s self. And if you look at it that way, not only does it make perfect sense, but revved up like a douche totally works. My advice, imagine puppies and kittens instead. And you can haz no creepy Springsteen.
6. Excitable Boy – Warren Zevon
Creepiest lyric: “He took little Suzie to the Junior Prom, excitable boy, they all said. And he raped her and killed her, then he took her home, excitable boy, they all said.”
Ummm. Yeah, sure, fine. Go for it Warren Zevon. Write a song about society dismissing a sociopath, go to town. When I first heard this song I spent the entire time bobbing my head to the fun beat and stopping every 3 seconds going, “wait, WHAA!?” This song isn’t just dark, but it’s most likely the last thing you hear before you die.
5. Laughing Gnome – David Bowie
Creepiest Lyric: “Here, what’s that clicking noise?” “That’s Fred, he’s a metro-gnome.”
This song is strange you guys. I played this for a girl once when we were on a first date, just to test the waters, and we’ve been married ever since… KIDDING! She opened the car door and leaped out of the car at 45mph. David Bowie never hid the fact that he was creepy, in fact he managed to own it like gnome-one before. So this song actually helped launch his career. But I can’t help but think if this song came out today, by someone like Phoenix or something, it would ruin their career.
4. Jesus Take the Wheel – Carrie Underwood
Creepiest Lyric: All of it
This song doesn’t really have any creepy moments. It’s like a football team in the playoffs, no one player stands out but as a whole it’s creeptastic. A woman loses control of her car with her baby in the backseat, but instead of trying to straighten out or slamming on the breaks, she throws her hands in the air and starts praying. Good, cause in real life that totally works ALL THE TIME! Like our economy for example, we’ve stopped trying, thrown our hands in the air, and said Eff-it ! Jesus this is your problem now. Jesus LOVES that you guys! YAY GIVING UP!
3. Iris – Goo Goo Dolls
Creepiest Lyic: “When everything’s made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am.”
I’ve used this line you guys, it doesn’t work. Neither does, “yo gurl what your name is” or “I cut myself for you!” The creepiest part of this song, like many others on our list, is that it’s about someone “romantically” worshipping someone they don’t know. You know who else does that? Serial killers.
Santa Claus Is Coming To Town
Creepiest Lyric: “He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake…”
Replace Santa Claus with a ventriloquist puppet and you have a Stephen King novel. This song makes me terrified of Christmas and everything it stands for; spying, wire tapping, dream inception… How this doesn’t terrify more children is beyond me.
1. Every Breath you Take-The Police
Creepiest Lyric: “Every game you play, every night you stay, I’ll be watching you. Oh can’t you see? You belong to me…”
This song needs a MUAHAHAHA at the end and a picture of Sting going all Rear Window on a silhouette of some girl. This song isn’t helped by the fact that it’s sang by a mullet sporting, dangly earring wearing, tantric sex champion bass player. The only thing that could make it worse is if he was accompanied by David Bowie’s gnome voice.
What are the creepiest song lyrics you’ve ever heard? Let me know in the comments below or hit me up on Twitter, @danborrelli
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