It’s really a travesty to see all these kids trying to perform tasks that they are incapable of doing. My motto is, and has always been, “If you never try, you never fail.”
Maxwell Harrison
Maxwell wasn’t exactly the sharpest knife in the assassin’s toolkit, so his only wish was to pass the eleventh grade, and all he had to do was bring his geometry grade up from 59.3 percent to 60 percent. He failed his final, failed the class, and dropped out of school. Then he was hit by a bus.
Joe Tubman
He was five feet tall, but little Joe Tubman wasn’t little at all. He weighed nearly 400 pounds, and his only wish was to climb Bunny Hill, the local 288 foot grass hill. He trained for weeks upon weeks. When the big day came, little big Joe Tubman huffed and he puffed and he fell all the way back down the hill. There is now a plaque where he peaked, a little less than half way up. That same day, Joe lost his sense of smell. Poor, poor Joe.
Henry Jones
Henry Jones was the best free throw shooter that his quaint New England town had never seen, because he had no friends and never got any playing time in his basketball league. One day, however, Henry’s team was in the international finals for eighth grade basketball, and all but five players on the team had died of eating poisoned potatoes. So it was his time to shine; it would be his defining moment. The team was down by one, with one second left on the clock, and Henry was fouled. He knew he could make it. Everyone cheered him on. He threw up the ball, using perfect form. It completely missed the rim. Henry now lives all by himself in a secluded cabin near Eau Claire, Wisconsin.
Jenny Woo
Jenny practiced Mario Kart every day, but she was utterly awful. Her only aspiration was to not come in last place in the game. After four years—eight thousand and six games—of nothing but practice, she knew that she could do it. She was halfway through the game, and in first place! What a miracle. Then, out of nowhere, the power in her house went out. She tried twenty-eight more times to not come in last, but she just failed. She’s probably still crying.
Timmy Tweedy
Timmy wanted to be an actor. His mom starred in every TV movie ever made and his dad was Nicholas Cage. Every year, his school put on a play, and, every year, Timmy was given the part of the tree. This year, however, Timmy told himself that things would be different. Different and better. But they weren’t: Timmy played the douglas fir.
What have YOU not achieved that’s incredible? Let us know in the comments!
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