Sure there's a TON of diseases you can catch from this cast, all kinds of crabby, wart-y cootie-like things. I mean even the producers admit to mandatory Valtrex consumption on the set. But you can catch those things from any old skanky reality star. Here are some things you can ONLY catch from the beloved cast of The Jersey Shore!
Come At Me Bro Syndrome
The first sign is getting aggressive the minute someone spills a shot of Jaeger on your freshly-pressed Ed Hardy shirt. Next thing you know all that internal rage will have caused the mother of all colon blocks and you'll have another dude's arm up your butt while cameras roll. The come at me bro syndrome is one of the few inter-species diseases around. Just do a Google search and you'll see everything from baby penguins to anteaters infected.
Snookitis
You may think you're pregnant when you start pounding pickles by the tub. But then you will become so gratingly irritating that you will cause a guy to break one of the biggest social taboos of all time...punching a girl in the face. This one only affects the ladies, but I highly recommend guys stay away from a girl who has Snookitis, unless you wanna be charged with assault.
D-bag Disorder, GTL Strain
There are d-bags and then there are Jersey Shore d-bags. Years of hot tub and media exposure have mutated the d-bag gene making it highly resistant to any form of treatment. Fortunately for MTV, there is no cure.
The Orange Death
Sadly this one is already infecting children. These kids are gonna be bummed when they find out that The Make-A-Wish Foundation will not be granting them their request for customized mini-tanning beds and an all-expenses paid trip to next year's MTV Spring Break in Cabo.
Fist Pump Fever
One day Vinny will probably drop dead face down in a plate of his mother's meatballs. No heart can withstand the lethal combination of unstoppable fist pumping and excessive Red Bull-tinis.
Praying Mantis Plague
One minute you're rubbing your booty up against some strange dude in a club, the next thing you know you're tearing his head off in the smoosh room. This is why I will NEVER eat JWoww's famous sausage and peppers. I have my suspicions of what she does with all those bodies.
The Spikey Virus
Your hair is a dead giveaway that you've been infected with this virus. That and the fact that putrid AXE Spiked Up hair gel is oozing out of every single one of your orifices.
Hot Tub Hanta Virus
Very similar to the original hanta virus only you catch this bad boy from gym rats. Symptoms include feeling like you've been hit by a grenade and delusions of grandeur.
What are some other diseases you can ONLY catch for the cast of the Jersey Shore? I wanna read your funny funnies in the comments!
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