July 15th will see the release of the final Harry Potter movie, Harry Potter and the Something Something Part Two. I don't know why it's part two, I thought this was, like, part eight. In any event, while I may not have watched any of the movies or read any of the books, I have skimmed the Harry Potter IMDB, so I think I'm preeeeeetty qualified to speculate as to what will happen in the final Harry Potter movie. Here are my best guesses--
Harry Potter Wins!
My gut feeling is that Harry Potter will beat the evil wizard because he'll have learned a new spell. Probably from, um, Tonks. Is Tonks a teacher at their magic school?
Hagrid Was Dead The Whole Time
Whoa, wouldn't that just blow your mind? I mean, it wouldn't impact the story in any way, but it would be, you know, a twist. Stories aren't good unless they have a twist. That's why Titanic was so successful-- no one was expecting the third act zombie war Rose had to wage against Jack. (I've never seen Titanic either.)
Things Probably Turn Out Awesome For Dumbledore
I hear him and Snape have some big moments together, maybe they'll open up a little toffee store together. That would be nice.
Voldemort's Final Horcrux Is Suprising
The first few Horcruxes were revealed tio be powerful magic objects such as Tom Riddles' Journal and Salazar Slytherin's locket. But if you've been paying close attention, you've already figured out what that the final Horcrux is Voldemorts collection of Futurama DVDs. Now does it make sense why Voldemort was always talking about Futurama all the time? Wait, am I confusing Voldemort with my old roommate Jim again? Was it Voldemort or my old roommate Jim who always talked about Futurama?
Ron's Adorable Cousin Comes To Visit
This is a trick most old franchises use when they run out of ideas-- The old "Add A Kid". How are Harry and his pals gonna find the final Horcruxes when Cousin Ralphie keeps begging them for more Gushers and acting all precocious?! It is going to be really tragic though when Cousin Ralphie becomes Lord Voldemort's apprentice and must murder those once closest to him.
Hufflepuff Will Continue To Not Be Involved
When Hogwarts is attacked by the Deatheaters, expect everyone to, once again, "forget" to tell Hufflepuff. Which is fine, because even if Hufflepuff knew and were capable of mounting ANY sort of defense, they'd still be too busy pushing on "pull" doors or staring directly into the sun.
Grown Up Harry Names His Son Albus Severus
Oof. Man, I'm sorry guys. It's clear I haven't seen any of the Harry Potter movies because that is a really terrible idea. Why would something that ludicrous ever happen?
What are your guesses for the Harry Potter finale? Expelliarmus them all out in the comments! Did I use "Expelliarmus" right?
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