Photoshop is pretty great. We can use it to restore old photographs of our grandfathers, switch the faces of fathers and their babies, even make cats say things with incorrect grammar! But what if we could wield the manipulative powers Photoshop grants us out in the real world? Here's what I would do with Photoshop in real life.
1. Clone Stamp Away Stains
I could finally get rid of all those mustard stains on all those shirts!
2. Duplicate Reese's Peanut Butter Cups
If Photoshop were real, instead of paying 1.59 for two more Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, all you'd need to do is make a selection, hold the ALT key, and drag the mouse. Make sure that selection is tight, though. And you might have to clone stamp in some of the cup obscured by other items in the foreground. And maybe a little Free Transform to make it line up in perspective with the- you know what? Maybe just pay the 1.59.
3. Play With Letters In Advertisements
Hah. Halo.
4. Add Filters To Everything
Sure, in real life we get things like ice cream, horses, and affection from human beings. But the one thing I have ALWAYS said was missing from real life was an aesthetic closer to Aha's "Take On Me" video.
5. Put Funny Mustaches On Intimidating People
I'd feel a lot better talking to Coach after missing that screen pass, the one we ran in practice OVER AND OVER again, if he had a mustache that made him look like an old-timey oil tycoon.
6. Color Balance Your Pushpins
Isn't it infuriating when you have all these pushpins, and they aren't all the same color? No matter how many neat columns you line them up into, they'll NEVER be perfectly uniform! Never! Not ever! Incidentally, I might also try to enhance the color of my OCD pills to make them easier to see across the room when I start freaking out about pushpins.
7. Patch Tool People
The Patch Tool takes a selection and makes it act like the pixels surrounding it. So if I could run that on the angry guy who keeps coming to my book club, you know, the one who just makes snide comments and doesn't read the book, well, I think book club would be a lot more fun. For him AND for us.
What would you use Photoshop for in real life? Use the type tool to tell us in the comments!
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