If you take the narcissism of Facebook and mix it with the twitchy obsession of someone with OCD and then you add the attention span of someone with ADD, you might have a reasonable prototype of your typical Twitter obsessive. Now, a lot of tweeters can be very entertaining and quite prolific with the tweeting. As someone who is way too lazy to be that committed to expressing my every thought, I kind of admire them in a perverse way. There are some tweeters, however, that I have nothing but irrational rage for. Here's a look at those who seem to enjoy to annoy.
Celebrity Lover
At first you might be impressed that the hipster you work with is friends with the entire cast of Parks and Recreation. Then you'll realize how one-sided those 'conversations' with @azizansari are. Most of this person's tweets are actually RTs of someone way funnier and smarter than they are. Which doesn't mean you don't enjoy them...it just means you might as well follow the source. Then people will think you're cool when @joelmchale thanks you for your kind words.
FMLers
FMLers love the immediacy of Twitter. I mean, bad things happen to them every second of the day and it can be hard to narrow them down to just a few status updates. On Twitter they can catalog every grievance in real time. "Just spilled Diet Coke all over my new Diesel shirt." "It makes me sad, the more I have success the more people don't like me." I'm pretty sure that's not why, sweetie. Every tweet they send has an #FML at the end. And every reply you send them should have a #STFU.
Self-Important A-Holes
This person only tweets about things that involve great things he's doing, and believe me he's doing them ALL the time! Take his word for it. This person also loves to give advice on how you can have his life too. Usually in the form of Deepak Chopra quotes...who he knows personally, by the way. #spiritualdbagsaretheworst.
The Follower Obsessed
80% of this person's Tweets are about breaking a number in their follower count. "Almost to a 1000! Come on guys! Let's do it!" Here's a good way to get followers--actually say something worth following! The best thing to do is unfollow this person and then sit back and watch as he enters the tailspin of despair known as losing a follower.
RIPers
These people are always the first to tweet #RIP over any famous person who dies, even if they have no idea who the hell they are. It's actually almost worse when they do know the person who died...I love you @MissKellyO, but I'm pretty sure no one would be mad if you didn't tweet your feelings while you were crying so hard you couldn't breath from grief. These kinds of things make me question what the world is becoming.
The Noob
This person's tweets are usually all questions. This is my first tweet...Am I doing this right? What's #FF? Does anyone know how I reply? These people will quietly fade away, until a few months later they'll tweet something like "I'm back! This time I'm really gonna do it!" It's okay baby...we'll see you in the slower paced and less-stressful world of Facebook.
The Philosopher
If you like inspirational quotes and the hilarious ramblings of someone who's had one too many bong hits...you should follow this person! I must warn you, however, although they are highly amusing at first, they usually start getting more and more incoherent and delusional. So you're better off not following them at all. Because it's really hard to drop them once they're tweeting from a 'treatment center' where they are dealing with their emotional pain.
The Airhead Who Tries To Be Serious
You don't sound any more intelligent when you start tweeting about world events than you did when you were tweeting about this kind of bull crap.
Haven't the victims of world tragedies suffered enough? Do they really need to suffer the indignity of being in one of Kim Kardashian's tweets?
Hopefully some modern-day natural selection will help weed out most of these tweetin' fools!
Which type of tweeter do you find the most annoying? Speaking of annoying tweeters, you can follow me @desijedeikin if you like! I'm only 4 of the annoying types listed above! Now let's discuss annoying tweeters in the comments!
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