It’s everyone’s favorite time of year: when TV shows start again. It’s also when school starts! So put on your thinking caps, kids! (But not in the classroom.) If you’re not particularly interested in starting up school again, then here is a list of my favorite ways to delay the start of school.
Move to Swaziland!
I don't know much about it, but there’s probably no school there, and you’ll be in the heart of Africa, having a great time! Because there are only great times and tribal dances there, right?
Force Your School Board to Eat the Cafeteria Food
Calling it “mystery meat” is often a compliment. Serving it with Heinz is offensive to the ketchup. Serving it to children is considered torture in four states. (All of which happen to be states of my mind.) All right, enough with bashing those sad ladies’ food. But it’s horrible. It really is.
Forget to Set Your Alarm
Yeah yeah yeah. Real original, buddy.
Burn All the Books and Tell Them You’re Reenacting Mao’s Cultural Revolution
Hmm, they’ll say. This kid really has a great grasp on the material. Let’s let him sit this year out and face no criminal charges whatsoever. (Let me tell you: This one is foolproof.)
Buy Your School (Or Your State!)
I’ve heard they’re selling them in bulk at California Costcos.
Lock the Parking Lot
Oh, the horror! Oh, the pain! Teachers walking from tenths of miles—entire tenths! Teachers walking from minutes away! Oh god!
How will you delay your school from starting… indefinitely? Tell us in the comments below! (Being morbid is appreciated.)
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