“Back to School” season is fast approaching, and with that - you guessed it, comes the all too familiar first day. Are you a person who dreads this day as if it were the plague? Do you assume it’ll just be more of the same teasing and bashing from your adolescent peers? Fearful you’ll never be the “Cool Guy or Girl on Campus”? Well I have news for you: you needn’t fret any longer. I’ve rounded up a quick guide on how to transform yourself from Geek to ‘Good God! That Guy or Gal Rules!’ in mere minutes!
1. Come Up With An Awesome Nickname
Anything with “The” as a pre-fix is preferable, you want to establish to the student body that you’re a legend in the making. If you’re on the heavier side, using a food product as your nickname cancels out the un-coolness. That's just cool mathematics! You're not chubby, you're The Beef Supreme!
2. Befriend Tons Of Celebrities And Not Make A Big Deal Out of It
There’s always that one kid who's constantly regaling his peers with stories of hob-nobbing with A-listers, because his parents are best friends with some protegee of P. Diddy. Now it’s your turn, go along - be that kid. If impossible, see #3.
3. Learn Photoshop
So you want A-list friends but you don’t have the connections? Never fear! The internet is here! Now you and tabloid magazines have more in common than you thought!
4. Get A New Style
Yes, thank your Mom for buying you that Toy Story brand set of overalls, then quickly hide them at the bottom of your dresser. No one wants to see that. Not even people related to you. Quick - rip up those jeans! Mess up that hair! Look like you don’t know where you are! I’ll tell you where you are, you’re in Cooltown, USA Population: You!
5. Write Cool Messages In Your Summer Sunburn.
Sometimes agonizingly painful sunburns are the taunting residue of a summer vacation well spent in the sun, but they’re usually hard to play off as cool when it comes time for school. Here’s a tip to switch your sun-kissed fate: write cryptic messages in your sunburn! My favorites include, but aren’t limited to: WHATEVER; COOL STORY, BRO; and nonsensical designs that you can play off as symbols from a cool new band no one's ever heard of. Works every time.
6. Adopt A New Lingo
Take something uber nerdy and make it cool, like a word from the Klingon dictionary - the nerdier it is, the less likely it is someone will know it and call your bluff.
7. Get Someone Cool To Start A Rumor About You
The task is simple: Skip the first day of school to add a dose of mystery to your budding on-campus persona, have someone cool start a rumor that you’re off somewhere too busy doing cool things to deal with school. Then, show up the second day and just roll with the awesome stares as you rack up cool points.
8. Start A Band
No musical talent to speak of whatsoever? Not a problem! Just casually mention you’re in a band as much as possible. Say you’re the bass player. When people ask when your next show is say you’re taking time to record an album. There will be no more questions, just pure awe.
What are some other ways people can up their cool factor? Let us know in the comments!
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