Harry Potter movies have been churning out of the Warner Brothers studios for a decade now. But their day has passed. Warner Brothers is surely going to be searching frantically for a new series to be their cash cow, so what series is going to replace Harry Potter as the next big muti-film franchise? Here are the frontrunners:
Barry Smotter And The Sorcerer's Pone
In a cheap attempt to keep Harry Potter fans coming back Warner Brothers is thinking about rereleasing all the Harry Potter movies as new movies, but with an eyepatch on Harry, and a redub over all the vocals where anyone says Harry's name with the name "Barry Smotter." As to what a "Sorcerer's Pone" is, your guess is as good as mine.
The Planet Of The Apes
Warner Brothers has tossed around the idea of recommisioning the recently relaunched franchise for a wider audience. The plan will be to have Caesar, the leader of the apes, have to go to an Ape Magic school named Apewarts and have to figure out how to destory Apedemort, who is a Gorilla that is just kind of an a-hole to pretty much everybody.
Winter's Bone 2-7
The gritty, shockingly violent story of a young girl trying to figure out what happened to her father in a secretive and often horrifying backwoods Ozark community was a critical darling last year, and Warner Brothers is hoping they can turn it into a money-making empire by releasing family friendly sequels. The idea is to stretch the young girl figuring out what happened to her dad into six more movies. Also, instead of having a scene where the little girl has to cut off a corpse's arms in a swamp so the police can use his hands to identify the body, she'll get a cute magical mouse sidekick that can make cheese appear out of nowhere simply by wiggling his nose!
Chastity The Vampire Waits To Have Sex And Fights Frankensteins
Chastity is an old fashioned vampire who wants to wait to have sex with the girl that he knows will be the one, but a bunch of Frankensteins are also trying to be her boyfriend. That should earn about 2 Billion worldwide over six sequels.
Star Wars: New Moon Over The Half Blood Prince And The Temple Of Doom
By cramming every single franchise in existence together Warner Brothers believes they can make so much money off unsuspecting movie goers that they can buy the legislative branch of the government and rename it "Warner Brothers Presents: The Warner Brothers North American Decision Making Branch."
Consumer Demand: The Movie Series
The entire series of films would be based on test audiences telling actors and directors what they want to see in a movie as it is happening on screen. So the movie series would follow the adventures of an attractive male in his early 30's played by Johnny Depp, Ryan Gosling, and Taylor Lautner, who fights terrorists by making love with a beautiful woman. He marries her only to find out that she is a CIA agent and not a pizza delivery girl after all. It will be 90 minutes long and exactly 64 of those minutes will be car chases where a topless woman drives a ferrari to get away from a ninja leading an army of non-descript middle eastern bad guys. Also, Kevin James will play a farting mailbox.
The Smurfs
Think something as stupid as the Smurfs can sustain itself through 7 consecutive feature films? Think again! But that doesn't mean Hollywood won't try as long as you keep giving them 12 bucks a pop to see a little blue piece of crap wearing shades.
What other series' could potentially replace Harry Potter? Let us know in the comments!
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