So often we get angry at Hollywood for making a fourth or fifth installment of a once great franchise that ultimately destroys the series. Like Indiana Jones. And now Spielberg wants to make ANOTHER Jurassic Park?! Have we learned nothing from the original? Don’t resurrect something that’s extinct for a reason, it will be the death of you. With that being said I put together a list of ten 90s movie sequels I think we all SHOULD get to experience.
10. The Truman Show
This movie was such a great take on the horrible obsession Amurrcans had with reality television. And that obsession hasn’t ended, it’s increased. Now in the form of more intrusively following famous people around as they go through mundane every day activities. A Truman Show sequel would be perfect in 2011. It could be centered on the camera crews and paparazzi that won't leave Truman alone now that he is a “free man.” He has no choice but to be a reality star. Truman could never escape his fame and the need for people to document his life, so he goes crazy and helps monkeys take over the world. Oh and we’re casting Ryan Renolds.
9. Independence Day
3 words. President. Will. Smith. This movie would rule so long as he keeps his kids out of it. And we need Jeff Goldblum going full Goldblum all over the uh uh, it’s a uh, place. Think about it, we don’t even need a plot. Something about robots dressed as cars or whatever. All we need is an epic speech and some flight planes and we have our next summer blockbuster.
8. Office Space
The 90s were a time of peace and prosperity. “Wah, I hate my office job that I only have to work from 9-5 and it pays me well and gives me health insurance. Wah!” That’s fantasy fulfillment for my generation! I watch Office Space now a days, I see Entourage. How about we make a sequel where Ron Livingston ends up unemployed and doesn’t get to sleep with Jennifer Aniston. He’ll still have nothing to complain about then, because then he’ll just be EVERYONE ELSE IN AMURRCA!
7. Groundhog Day
It’s a timeless morality tale. A hero is forced to keep repeating his mistakes until he learns from them and in th—Watch out for that step! It’s a doosie! MAN this movie was awesome. Witty Bill Murray one liners, crazy characters, super cute Andie McDowell. I would totally pay $35 or however much movies cost now to see this remade. Especially if it stars Joel McHale and Emma Stone.
6. Slacker
If you haven’t seen this Richard Linklater film from 1991 you’re missing out on an educational time capsule. It really is just a night in the life of kids in Austin and it’s one of those movies you watch as a kid and just connect to it. These kinds of movies are unfortunately no mas and we need them. It’s imporantt to preserve culture, even if it is bored suburban teen life culture. Also, we could totally get Ryan Reynolds.
5. Dogma
I wanna see Kevin Smith make a movie about the rapture. I’m not really sure why, and I know it will be like Cop Out bad, but still I wanna see it. There’s something about combining low brow comedy and religion that I just find necessary. Nobody had more sex jokes than Shakespeare, remember that. And it would be nice to see the Tea Partiers freak out over something new for a change.
4. Surf Ninjas
Question: What’s better than Rob Schneider doing karate with a Mexican kid who is supposed to be Samoan? Answer: NOTHING IS BETTER THAN ROB SCHNEIDER DOING KARATE WITH A MEXICAN KID WHO IS SUPPOSED TO BE SAMOAN! NOTHING! A sequel to this movie could be really dramatic and epic. Except instead of following along on a Sega Game Gear, that kid is gonna need at least a 3DS.
3. The Nightmare Before Christmas
This movie became a culture icon a decade after it was first released. And for some reason neither Disney nor Tim Burton have been able to make a sequel. It’s a really nice way to shake up the Christmas movie and it would be awesome to see more family films take an alternative approach. I know one person who could get this thing off the ground. I’ll give you a hint. His name rhymes with Shmyan Shmenolds.
2. Face/Off
FACE/OFF 2! 2FACES/2OFFS! What’s more badass than another Face/Off!? 5 MORE FACES/OFFS! Nicholas Cage and John Travolta can play these characters every year for the REST OF THEIR LIVES! And it would be awesome…
1. South Park: Bigger, Longer, & Uncut
The best musical to never hit Broadway. A biggerer, longerer, uncuttererer version of this movie would do great. And we need it. Seriously. With all these recycled sequels and half-assed trilogies it would be nice to see something familiar but different, old but new, fast but also furious. What made the Toy Story movies great is that the audience grew up with the movies. We also grew up with South Park, and I think it’s time we get the next grand musical chapter of that saga.
What movies do you think deserve sequels? Scream at me on twitter @DanBorrelli or leave a comment below.
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