It has always been an implied necessity that kids’ programming instills a certain sense of morality in young viewers. Shows now lack that in favor of being “edgy” or “hip” but the most important lessons I learned growing up came from TV. The biggest show in particular being Nickelodeon’s GUTS. Here are those 10 lessons I learned from Guts that I’d like to pass on to you…
10. Never Give Yourself Your Own Nickname
Tiger, Mad Max, Norman Nopants, giving yourself your own nickname can lead to disastrous outcomes. It may sound great to you in your head, but when it’s being broadcast on national television by Mark “Hot Sauce” O’Malley it doesn’t always have the same ring to it. Plus, nicknames should be earned, that’s the whole point. It wouldn’t have had NEARLY the same impact if I gave myself my college nickname Dan “oh my god creep, ew, NO!” Borrelli. It loses the zest.
9. Be Nice To Mo
Life is full of Mos, people who you need to work with in order to be successful. Mo held all the key information O’Malley needed to host a show every week. She had the numbers, the details, the player info. Mark may have been the face but Mo was the brains. So no matter how cool and successful you think you are, remember, you’re always going to need the help of those who know more than you. So be nice.
8. Don't Race To The Top
Don’t run up the mountain you guyses. Because before you know it you’ll be all the way at the top and will have missed an actuator back at the bottom. Then come the falling rocks and your life is ruined. Make sure you take all the necessary steps in life, never race through or cut corners or else the Brazilian kid will end up taking home the gold.
7. You Can’t Control A Bungee Cord
More power = less control. A bungee cord will give you the ability to dunk a basketball 25 feet in the air, but you wont be able to control where you land. Remember that bigger isn’t always stronger and the ability to control your actions is what’s most important.
6. Teamwork Aint Sh*t
It’s nice to say that it takes a village, but the hard truth is throughout most your life it takes you. Being able to function alone is a rare skill. While teamwork is healthy, don’t forget to work on yourself. Guts is like the Ayn Rand novel of 90s Nickelodeon and we should heed the message. Selfishness isn’t always evil.
5. Don’t Let The Pretty Girl Win Just Because
This idea is something men are predisposed to; it isn’t a learned behavior. Guts gave us the guts to go against our gut and compete fairly against women. Women who would many times go on to beat their male competitors. In my own, personal, non-important opinion, that is real equality. Always respect your opponent, but also know they are very unlikely to sleep with you…
4. Indecision Will Always Leave You Behind
Right or left? A or B? Jacob or Edward? Make a choice then see it through. It’s important to stay positive and execute a decision than it is to sit around and wonder if you made the correct choice. You’ll grow up and meet a lot of people who over analyze their situations; be the person who betters theirs. And always, ALWAYS respect the Elastic Jungle!
3. If You Fall, Let Others Help You Up So You Can Finish
Just as it is important to succeed alone, you have to also accept help. Every great hero is humbled at some point and it is then, and only then, that you can truly look into the face of failure and know what it takes to succeed. Synergy…
2. Amurrca Isn’t Always The Best
All I was told as a kid was that Amurrca was the grratest country in the wrrld! However, after watching countless episodes of Global Guts, I saw that this wasn’t always the case. Amurrcan, kids had many flaws, they were cocky, they were hot-headed, and they always had crusty spiky blond hair cuts. Other countries would win just as much as the Amurrcans, and you know what, it was better this way. Competition was fair and even and everyone had to push him or herself to succeed. Nobody stays on top all the time, not even Amurrca.
1. Your Greatest Achievement May Only End Up Gaining You A Large, Worthless Rock
It’s impossible to know the rewards you will reap for a life of hard work and dedication. For some it is wealth and fame; for others, Agrocrag. What’s important is that your fulfillment comes from completing the goals you set for yourself, and having the safe feeling of a regretless past. Don’t be your own tiger mom, and don’t worry about other people who get gold when you get silver. Because in the end, they’re gonna look like a douche for gloating with a giant piece of worthless Styrofoam.
What’s your favorite 90s Nick show? Let me know in the comments below or bellow at me on twitter, @danborrelli
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