Zooey Deschanel is a real charmer. She wrinkles her nose adorably when she's mad, and when she farts little silly looking hats fly out of her bum. But if you ask me, she's not quite right for the role of Jessica "Jess" Day: the bumbling, affable, quirky girl about town. So who would be better?
Sharon Stone
She's got great comic timing, and I love how she answers every question posed to her by sitting down, removing her underwear, and repeatedly crossing and uncrossing her legs.
Annie Wilkes
Talk about quirk! This woman's got quirk coming out the yazoozah! Sure Zooey's a little quirky, brushing her teeth with frosting and such, but that's no where near as quirky as getting angry at your house guest for using swear words and responding by putting a 2 x 4 under his feet, giving him a long speech about etiquiette, then smashing his feet with a hammer!
Sy Snootles
Vocalist for the universally renowned Max Rebo Band, Sy brings not only sensuality and charisma, but star power to the role of Jessica "Jess" Day. Little known fact: It took over seventeen writers to come up with Jessica's nickname.
Dora The Explorer
Seeing as the premise of the show is that Jessica, having recently gone through a surprise breakup, moves in with a couple guys and each with learns about life, and herself, it makes sense to get an actress that would need to learn as much as possible. Dora being only a few years old has way more to learn than Zooey Deschanel who, as most people know, is well into her 70's. I mean, when Dora takes a sh*t (and she sh*ts a lot) she still does it in her own pants. Now that's what I call a lot to learn.
Willow Smith
This is not because I am a Scientologist. There is no evidence that I am a Scientologist, and my choices are made entirely because Willow Smith, daughter of famed Scientologist Will Smith, seems right for the part. With that said, have you thought about Scientology? There are many excellent resources online to help you learn about the only true way to reach happiness and contentment in this life and the next. Sure, you may have heard rumors that Willow and Jaden Smith will break into your house at night and replace your blood with sand if you don't become a Scientologist, but do not worry, those are just rumors. Ultimately whether you become a Scientologist is up to. Become a Scientologist or else.
The Girl From The Ring
How much funnier a show would "The New Girl" be if all of the hijinx revolved around the characters having seven days to give a video tape to each other because if they don't they'll die?
Michelle Bachmann
What Michelle lacks in acting ability she makes up for in facial expressions.
Who else would be great on "The New Girl"? Let us know in the comments!
Comments
Post a Comment