The time of the season is coming! (And not the one for loving.) We’re nearing the time for colds and pneumonia and runny noses and such. Perfect time for the release of the film Contagion, a movie with famous people dying and quarantines and stuff. Anyway, so that you’re not stuck in their situation, here are some of my favorite ways to avoid tragically dying.
Hide In Your Cave
Sometimes for the winter I retire early to my summer cave in western Iceland. This keeps me far away from the measles.
Break Out That Plastic Bubble
You know that big ol’ plastic bubble you have hidden away in your garage that you’ve only used once or twice? ‘Course you do! Whip it out, and wear it around town, around school, around home, everywhere! Not only will you be mumps-free: You’ll be fashionable.
Bury Your Head In The Sand
Just duck it in, and the world is gone. Works every time.
Just Keep Running
This one is a personal favorite. Disease can never catch you if you never stop running, Forrest.
Take A Multivitamin Everyday
Because you know what they say: A multivitamin a day keeps the meningitis away.
Play Your Kidz Bop
Ye come far, ye come wide. But no sir could no death-bringin’ killing-device pass the treacherous sound movements of ye olde Kidz Bop.
How are you going to punch Death in the tongue? Tell us in the comments below!
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