It's time for school to start again, and many kids are anxious. But perhaps all they need is some perspective- it was significantly harder going back to school in medieval times. Maybe you'll be more appreciative of your new learning experiences when you bear witness to the horrors that awaited the children during the time of kings.
New Backpack
Kids in medieval times would get a small pouch made from the hide of a skinned wolf. So complain all you want about going back to school, at least your Cars 2 backpack doesn't leave a bloodstain on your shirt.
School Lunch
In medieval times, the meals would be quite large, consisting of foods such as game hens, shepherd's pie, boiled quail, grapes, spiced squash, broiled dove, collared greens in butter, buhdoiled hippopotamus, and sweet beef soup. Today, since children are less likely to have to go home and defend their father's lands against a rival house's invading armies, the menu has been simplified to Chicken Patty on a Bun.
Going To School As A Lordling
If you are born the child of a high lord, going back to school involved getting a new wardrobe, the finest learning materials, and an extravagant bracelet that shows their status. So if you replace "extravagant bracelet" with "iPhone", it's pretty much the same for upper-class kids today.
Back To Lessons!
Back to school also means your after-school activities start up again, like Cub Scouts or viola lessons. But back in medieval times children would attend daily lessons in things such as archery or sword fighting. While these sound cool, you have to imagine that any kid who just wants to get outside and run around would be as irritated learning to be fierce as a wolverine, calm as still water, as we would be learning Pachelbel's Canon in D.
Apple For Teacher
The old "bribing a teacher with an apple" bit would only work in medieval times if the apple was presented in the roasted mouth of the very boar that killed her lord father during his final hunt in Autumn last.
Keeping Your Work Organized
In our age, when you need to keep all your worksheets together, you purchase a Lisa Frank horsey folder. But in medieval times, you would have to store all your parchment in the dried carcass of your family's least virile horsey.
First Day Homework
There is always an easing-into period with homework when you start school again. For us, it involves nothing more than covering your textbooks with paper bags. For the children of medieval times, it simply involves beheading the kids who didn't pass summer school. Ah, an easy first day!
What folly do you engage in upon your return to school each year? Be heard in the comments!
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