Many movies do not have a masked crazy man running around killing teenagers. It's been that way since at least the turn of the century. And practically nobody's happy about it. Especially not guys who like to slash at teenagers. They're the least happy of all. It's clear too, that Hollywood has suffered a derth of well made films since the movies they put out stopped having masked killers killing teenagers in them. So here now are some films I propose would be much better if Jason Voorhees was in them:
The Help
That way the black maids, instead of waiting for the annoying white ladies to save them from well... the white ladies, they could have just teamed up with Jason to kill all the white ladies. Then Jason and the black ladies could all live together in the white ladies houses and make mint juleps for their own damn selves.
Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes
If Jason Voorhees were in this movie it wouldn't have been called "Rise of the Planet of the Apes," it would have had to have been called, "Some Poor A**hole Has to Clean Up a Whole Sh*tload of Dead Apes."
Bucky Larson: Born To Be A Star
Chances are very good that Bucky Larson and Jason Voorhees would join foces. No better could exist than Jason Voorhees and Bucky Larson killing their way through the sexiest late teens in Hollywood. A movie of that caliber would make Gone with the Wind or Chinatown look like Bucky Larson: Born To Be A Star.
Beginners
Jason could kill the cancer out of Christopher Plummer that way he could live forever being gay and happy and his son would have less emotional issues so him and the hot chick that also has emotional issues could get married and like indie music together.
Ratatoullie
Humans making life tough for rats? Nothing a little Jason Voorhees can't solve. Give him a chainsaw and a few weeks and the city of Paris will be the perfect place for rats to run around making lavish, flavor-rich dishes out of high-end spices and, you know, lots of brutally murdered human cadavers.
Larger Than Life
It would take Jason a long time to murder an elephant with things you'd find around a campsite, and in the meantime the cameras could follow Bill Murray around actually being funny, now that he doesn't have to deal with a godd*amn elephant.
Horrible Bosses
Screw hiring Jaime Foxx to teach you how to kill your bosses. Just get your bosses a free weekend at camp crystal lake. Movie's over in five minutes, then we can all go back to the part of our lives we like most: the part where we're not watching "Horrible Bosses."
What other movies should be teen slasher movies? Let us know in the comments!
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