Advertisements “back in the day” seemed to be so simple: some actor or actress would read off a page of copy stating all of the facts about that particular product and you, as the consumer couldn’t help but purchase it. Back then there wasn’t too much competition, so a bar of soap was a bar of soap - and what more did you need than someone telling you, “Hey - smelly, get clean.” Nowadays, the competition is overwhelming, and in our celebrity-obsessed culture who better to pitch us a T-shirt, or a tub of colon-cleansing yogurt than those celebrities that we, as the consumer are putty in their hands? Well, unfortunately not all business models are perfect models. In today’s article I chronicle the definite misses from the hits of celebrity-endorsed advertising, I hope you agree.
Charlie Sheen, Michael Jordan - Hanes
These commercials must exist in some distant fantasy world - because that’s the only way I can picture Michael Jordan ever giving Sheen the time of day. I just Thank God that this wasn’t one of the Hanes commercials where random people were talking to Jordan about their Hanes briefs. Another day without the mention of Charlie Sheen’s nether regions, is a good day my friends.
Justin Bieber with Ozzy Osbourne - Best Buy
Oh how hilarious an aging rock star with a bubblegum-pop tween star. What on earth will the American public do with this jarring image of polar opposites? I just hope that Bieber doesn’t do anything that will surprise us - with - oh wait - stop - oh that’s hysterical - he’s dressing up like an older man making of himself. What! How is this happening! Have I died and gone to comedy heaven? I hope so, I hear everyone gets their own personal X-box up there.
Bristol Palin and The Situation - The Candie’s Foundation
When this disastrous Safe Sex PSA surfaced on the internet sometime when Bristol and “The Situation” had a stint on Dancing with the Stars I could have sworn it was something produced by FunnyorDie.com. Unfortunately, it was all real - and though I commend whatever out of touch producer suggested a teenage Mother and a professional alcoholic talk about being abstinent on the air, it was probably better left on the cutting room floor.
Jamie Lee Curtis - Activia
At one time when the world thought of Jaime Lee Curtis they thought of the following adjectives: Emmy-nominated, Golden Globe-winner, A-list actress from Hollywood royalty. It’s amazing how adding the image of a colon-cleansing tub of yogurt could wash it all away.
50-cent - Vitamin Water
What is Vitamin Water insinuating? That getting shot 9 times in the chest can only be cured by electrolyte-infused, lightly-flavored fancy water? I can’t decide if making something un-gangster actually gangster cancels itself out or makes it better - until then I’ll just sip on my XXX flavored VitaWater secretly praying it makes me as buff and less sexually ambiguous as Vin Diesel.
Dan Aykroyd’s - Crystal Head Vodka
For years Aykroyd seemed to escape the negative stigma his comedy peers were such victims to: Chevy Chase and his supposed meanness, Steve Martin and his dry passive aggression, (Bill Murray is an enigma to himself). Aykroyd came out smelling like a rose - that was until he decided to come out with a “revolutionizing product” that wasn’t just a vodka - so...wait...what is it? According to its wikipedia article it states its, “triple-filtered through Herkimer diamond crysrtals” which seems normal enough until you watch Aykroyd’s promotional video that seems to spend 5 whole minutes on some Scientology-laced message. Ugh. Why can’t people just peddle liquor and leave it at that?
Jessica Simpson - Dessert Treats
I don’t wanna live in a world where guys only date me to lick the ice-cream flavored blush off my face.
Paris Hilton - Burger King
Paris Hilton talking is enough to make you lose your appetite - I fail to see why Burger King felt that Paris Hilton eating would somehow fair better.
Hulk Hogan - Hulkster Cheeseburger
The Hulkster was definitely not one to bat away product endorsements - let’s all remember that this is the same guy who leapt at the opportunity to bring cameras in his home for the reality show “Hogan Knows Best” and couldn’t wait another possible moment to break out the red and yellow boas for the revival of “American Gladiators.” Though, somehow it’s a little difficult to believe that we could get those Hulkamaniac biceps by chowing down on freezer burgers.
What products would be totally weird for you to endorse? Let us know in the comments!
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