Video games have been around as long as most of us have been alive. I still remember being five and popping in the original Legend of Zelda for the first time. I knew then that no matter what happened I'd always have a short fat guy in a green dress who killed what might or might not have been land octopuses to keep me company. But, and you might not believe this, but video games haven't always existed. Christians argue that video games are only six thousand years old, while scientists place the origin of video games much earlier, perhaps as many as 400,000 years earlier. Regardless, what was the world like before video games? How did people have fun? Did they have fun? They did. And here are all six of the ways:
Gladiator Arenas
Before video games the main source of entertainment was stealing two really poor people from their families, making them work out so they got all buff, then throwing them in a giant pit and having them fight to the death. Then whoever lived got the reward of being attacked and eaten by a tiger. Plus, on Mondays, after the fight, everyone in the audience got half off on shrimp scampi. But not the gladiators, the gladiators couldn't get half off on anything anymore, because the gladiators would be dead.
Getting Chased By Wolves And Bears And Other Sh*t
Before video games people had to go outside to have fun, even if they didn't want to. But back then there were still forests and stuff everywhere so every time you went outside all these bats and wolves and lions and bears and sh*t would f*ck you up.
Burning Witches
Some historians suggest that the reason people burned witches was a lack of knowledge that became fear, heightened and exacerbated by religious zealots with something to gain. The real reason, however, is that people were bored because they didn't have video games. If you don't believe me, stop playing video games for a week, I guarantee you'll end up burning at least three women at the stake.
Paying Attention To Their Girlfriends
No one knows why anyone wanted to do this, and everyone was grateful when video games got invented so the vile practice would cease.
Manifest Destiny
With no Smash Bros. to distract them, North Americans needed something to do. So they spent all their time pretending to themselves that they had a right to own the entire world and going about the business of conquering and killing anyone who lived on land that they wanted. Historians speculate that if President Andrew Jackson had been able to play the new Ninja Gaiden, the Sioux would still inhabit much of the midwest.
Lucille Ball
Before people had video games to make them solve puzzles and increase their hand eye coordination, they spent most of their time watching Lucille Ball get verbally abused by her husband Ricky while her friend Ethel did upper body exercises in the background. Sometimes Lucy did not wrap candy fast enough or put a bunch of bon bons in her mouth and everybody thought it was a riot. Lord knows why. Viva Video Games!
What are some other ways people had fun before video games? Let us know in the comments!
Comments
Post a Comment