There are lots of things that rule about growing up. For one thing you can buy whatever you want at the grocery store. Suck it, mom! But at some point the novelty of buying a cartful of Oreos, ice cream and Doritos wears off and you start to realize that being an adult isn't all you thought it would be. Despite all the awesome stuff, some things will never be as good as they were when you were a wee one. Here's a look at a just a few things that were better when you were a kid.
Being Sick
Back in the day there was nothing a good vomit couldn't get you out of! It also had the added bonus of your mom waiting on you hand and foot and letting you eat whatever you could stomach, even if it was Lucky Charms straight from the box. As an adult, the most you can hope for is that someone will at least hold back your hair as you puke before spreading the rumor spreads that you're hungover or knocked up or both.
Getting Older
I miss the days when I used to round my age up when someone asked me how old I was! Turning a year older was something you looked forward to. Then one day you realized that no one in a van is trying to trick you with free candy anymore. You're old or at least legal. Now all you have to look forward to are novelty birthday cards about having senior moments and soiling yourself.
Halloween
Yeah you can still go to Halloween parties as an adult. But it's not the same. As a kid you could just be a hobo. You didn't have to be a sexy hobo wearing nothing but a bandana and a change cup glue-gunned onto the crotch of your bikini bottom. Also you look like a loser when you try to trick or treat. Yeah, not my finest moment. Now I know why people have kids.
Your 'Fun' Uncle
He was your childhood hero growing up. He could burp the alphabet and he taught you every Super Mario Brothers cheat that you know. Now he's just the guy who makes your Nana cry when he gets super-wasted during family functions. Heroes don't urinate on the Christmas tree.
Pigging Out
I miss the days when I used to just pile ice cream in a mixing bowl and pour Teddy Grahams on top for my after school snack, with nary a raised eyebrow of condemnation thrown my way. It's not as much fun now, hiding in my closet and eating it as I weep.
Riding A Bike
Look, I know there is technically nothing wrong with riding a bike as an adult...but still I never felt like an a**hole doing it when I was a kid. Maybe it's the fact that people assume you're too poor to afford a car. Or maybe it's the helmet? Yeah, it's the helmet. It makes you look like a total friggin' dork. Thanks for ruining all the fun, safety turds!
Losing Your Teeth
Toothless adults are not adorable. They're most likely registered sex offenders.
What things do you think were better when you were a kid? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!
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