We all say the wrong thing from time to time. A few thoughtlessly chosen words, an ill-conceived response, a poorly timed joke and suddenly everybody is crying or arguing or saying that you give the worst eulogies ever. But there are some remarks that are so common, yet so damaging, they should never be said again.
“I’m sorry you feel that way.”
Nothing so eloquently, so economically, so heartlessly expresses the sentiment “I couldn’t give less of a rat’s a** if I were a miniaturized rodent” than the remark “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Uttered as a supposed apology to another’s claim you hurt their feelings, it’s in fact a potent passive-aggressive combo-platter of “Whatever” and “Sucks to be you.” In fact, it may very well be the worst thing to happen to healthy conversation since Facebook installed that “Dislike” button for those two minutes back in March and everyone wound up with just three online friends.
”Why are you still single?”
Few like to be reminded they haven’t found the right person. Even fewer like to hear it just might be entirely their fault they’re alone. While “You’ll find someone” offers empty hope and “Better luck next time” does little to soothe the pain of a breakup, “Why are you still single?” asks the unattached person point blank “What on earth are you doing so wrong you simply can’t attract ANYONE? How is it that every day you go out and screw up so royally that no one, anywhere, can fathom the idea of spending the rest of their life with you, much less dinner?! Hell, even vultures mate for life! VULTURES! And they don’t even have a job or their own apartment! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WRONG?!”
“You know what your problem is?”
People love to be psychoanalyzed…by nonprofessionals…in bars, at parties or across the dinner table at Thanksgiving. They love to hear personality, their every crucial life decision, evaluated with such precise medical terminology as “Your face is dumb,” “Everyone is too nice to tell you how dumb you are” and “You hair is dumb.” This, of course, is followed by the analytical one-upmanship that is “Well, do you know what YOU’RE problem is?” The back-and-forth continues as every physical, emotional and intellectual foible is viciously attacked only for two people to suddenly realize they still have to ride home together in the same car.
“Now what?”
Been looking for a way to say “Shut up” with just a hint of “You’re killing me, you know that?” a sprinkle of “Oh god, why is your mouth still moving?!” and a healthy dash of “Die already”? Well, then welcome to the two little words that can end conversations, friendships or even desperate cries for emergency medical attention.
“What are you thinking?”
Some people see this as a conversation starter. But what you’re really doing is combining the sheer joy of insecurity with the absolute delight that is a pop quiz or police interrogation. It’s taking a moment that could have been spent in quiet reflection and giving it the level of tension usually reserved for cutting time bomb wires. That’s because what you are really saying is not “What’s on your mind?” but rather “Why are you being so quiet, what are you hiding, who are thinking about instead and how will this end horribly right now?”
“Well, I better let you go.”
And just like that you told your own mom “I can’t stand talking on the phone with you anymore.”
What other common remarks should you not say? Let us know in the comments!
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