Another frightening scientific study has been released and this one's a doozy! Turns out that not only is soda delicious but it could make you a straight up killer! Gulp. Guess I'll have to look for a new horrible thing to consume first thing in the morning and ironically call the breakfast of champions.
The percentages for violence against partners and peers were also higher amongst the soda drinkers. The researchers weren't sure if the increase in violent tendency had to do with the sugar and caffeine intake or if it had more to do with the fact that those teens who pound soda by the case and carry shivs probably have parents who are no good uninvolved sacks of doodoo. Yeah, I'm looking at you, lady in the photo below! Although I guess she is involved...IN TURNING HER BABY INTO A REDNECK HANNIBAL LECTER! Theoretically.
The researchers basically admitted that they need to look more at other possible causes for the increase in violent behavior, including socio-economic factors and parental involvement, but still, their findings are pretty interesting. I mean there are plenty of other reasons soda consumption should be limited. We don't need a scientific study to tell us that drinking too much soda can make you a little chubby. Although I'm sure someone is spending millions now to prove this very obvious fact.
So start parenting, parents! I don't wanna be assaulted by your jacked up delinquent teen after he pounds a six pack of Jolt for dinner. Give thug jr. a juice box or something. Juice is okay. Just not Juicy Juice. That sh*t looks suspiciously like soda.
What do you think? Do you wanna beat a** after downing a Mountain Dew? Is that out of character for you? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!
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