Okay we've been doing this Facebook thing for awhile now, right? And now that the dust seems to have settled on all the new Facebook complaining, I'd like to take a moment to focus on what really makes Facebook suck: really annoying status updates. Now we can hide chronic offenders, but everyone makes mistakes once in awhile. Here's a look at 8 types of Facebook status updates that I think should be banned for life. Cause seeing them even once makes me all crotchety.
Anything Related To Bodily Functions
I don't wanna know what your turds look like or that you lost ten pounds after a single dump. I don't wanna see that you've 'checked in' on the crapper or that you just accidentally licked baby poo off your thumb. And don't get me started on any of the other bodily fluids. That's just nasty!
Pretentious Inspirational Quotes Or Song Lyrics
I don't know what's more annoying, someone quoting Lil Wayne like he's Shakespeare or the person that wastes precious moments of their life Googling inspirational quotes about living your life to the fullest. Get outside fool! There's more to the world than the World Wide Web! And I forbid you to quote me on that!
Meaningless Campaign Chain Updates
Congratulations! You're one of the 3% who care enough to post an update to bring attention to an important cause but actually do nothing to really help the cause. I'm not doing anything either but at least I'm not so smug about it!
Ovrly Abbrevi8ted
Let me explain something to the person who does this. ur stoopd an i hatz u wid all o mah <3. JK jus a lil.
Long And Boring Laundry Lists
I don't care if you had coffee, took a shower then did a little web-surfing before you ran some errands, before checking your mail and getting sleepy. Just because you didn't boringly update all day doesn't mean we need a boring recap update. Sometimes I wish Facebook had a 140 character limit. And a boring limit.
Dumb Questions
Psst! You're actually on the internet where pretty much every question can be answered by a quick trip to Google. Have you ever heard of it? I know, right??? Don't worry! You can still look dumb in person!
Anything That Indicates You Have Messed Up Priorities
If your updates have ever included things like "FIRE"! or "The baby's head is almost out...brb gotta push" or "OMG. I've lost all feeling on my left side" then you are probably what's wrong with this world.
In General, Anything That Is Trying To Make Me Feel Like A Shallow Person
Facebook should be fun! We don't need your stinking moralizing, finger-wagging or pearl clutching. If you're so great, why are you wasting time on FB with the rest of us yokels? Get a life! I've heard they're wonderful.
What are some types of FB status updates you'd like to see banned? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!
Check Out 8 Most Inappropriate Times To Update Your Facebook Status!
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