Christmas is just around the corner and it's never too soon to start thinking of what you might buy for all of those Twihards on your Christmas list. I recommend nothing. No one needs to experience the shame of having one of these purchases on their credit card.
My Little Pony Twilight Wedding Set
If your fiance buys this go run into a burning building soaked in gasoline. It'll be less torturous than a marriage to this woman.
Glow In The Dark Soap
Do we really need to imagine a Twihard soaping up in the dark with a bar of Edward Cullen? Don't worry Team Jacob creepers. You too can sadly turn the lights off and shower with a bar of Jacob imprinted (get it?) soap.
Underwear
Would you want a pre-teen you know wearing Edward Cullen's face on her crotch?? Or offering up her apple to someone? Let's hope no one takes a bite!
This Creepy Shirt
Why do I get the feeling that the woman who wears this has probably never even been kissed? Besides I'm pretty sure that outside of Twilight this kind of stuff may be criminal. No matter how 'romantic' it might seem.
Toilet Paper
Finally something I can get on board with! Truth be told, wiping with pages from the book has been a little rough on my tush.
Knock-Off Costume
WHA?? For 19.95 this better include the cheek bronzer and eyebrow stickers.
Reusable Cloth Diaper
Hey, Twilight has put a big pile of waste in all of our lives, why not return the favor?
Life-Sized Edward Cullen Wall Decal
Have the words 'Be Safe' ever sounded more sinister? If this was in my room, I would need boat loads of Ambien to ever sleep again.
Condoms
I guarantee that the man who buys this will have it in his wallet a LOOOOOOONNNNG time.
Salt And Vampire Flavored Pringles
WORST. PRODUCT. TIE-IN. EVER. I don't wanna taste any thing that combines salt and vampire.
Shower Curtain
He watches you when you sleep. He watches you when you drop a deuce. He'll even light a match for after you're finished!
Tampon Case
I'm pretty sure that this is way more embarrassing than anyone seeing your tampons.
Renesmee Doll
Okay. SERIOUSLY??? Can it get any worse than owning your own creepy devil child that looks like it will murder you while you sleep...
Bella's Womb
Spoke too soon. It can get way, way worse.
Which is your favorite weirdo Twilight merchandise? Have you seen something stranger? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!
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