Just when you thought Twihards couldn't get any lamer, turns out they can! They can get way lamer. Diehard fans are already camping out for Monday's Breaking Dawn premiere. Yeah. Four days of sleeping on pavement, for a chance to get a soulless glance from Kristen Stewart on the red carpet. Kind of like Occupy Wall Street but with absolutely no point. Here's my list of the type of Uber-fans who would go to these sad, sad, lengths for their even sadder obsession.
Tough Guys Who Can Only Be Themselves Amongst Other Twihards
He'll tell his friends he's going down there to rob the wannabe werewolves. But once there he'll imprint on a deathly pale waif covered in fairy dust and they'll spend the night reciting Evanescence lyrics, while giving each other apple-shaped hickies.
Twilight Moms
Can we send in a jailbait Taylor Lautner look-a-like and get these sick beasts behind bars once and for all? If you ever come across one of these fails, I highly recommend not saying yes when they ask if you wanna see their tattoo. Trust me... as bas as it is in photo, that inked cottage cheese is a 1000 times worse in person.
Guys Looking To Score
Hey it's worth a shot! Try telling girls you're Team Jasper. She'll appreciate your uniqueness and she'll love the fact that she won't have to compete with you for Edward's undying love. If that doesn't work, tell her that Alice had a premonition that you'd fall in love with a girl more lovely than Rosalie and once again she was right. Wait...why am I helping you? You big creep! Ew.
Dads Who Don’t Want Their Daughters Losing Their Virginity To A Guy Wearing Fake Vampire Teeth
They've already suffered the indignity of having a Twihard for a daughter. But no way in hell will the accept the indignity of an illegitimate baby named Renesmee. Team Dad!
People Looking To Boost Sales At Their Failing Twilight Etsy Shop
Your Edward pillows are creepier than a sparkly vampire floating outside your window , watching you sleep. But after spending time on the hard concrete, people will be lining up to buy your crap. Although I don't think anyone will be desperate enough to buy your werewolf carcass sleeping bag.
People With Warped Fantasies
It's already creepy enough that you have romantic fantasies about a vampire and werewolf fighting over you. But why would you want your father to start having the qualities of the man you wanna hook up with? Is there an age limit on giving a kid up for adoption?
Guys Who Are Whipped
You are an embarrassment to the male species. If while camping out, you and your girl are wearing his and her limited edition Twilight Forever Lazies you are an embarrassment to humanity. Please don't breed.
People Who Do Not Have the Ability To Detect When Something Is An Absolute Piece Of Crap
Yup! That about covers the rest of the people there!
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