Now that the “Twilight” movies are slooooooowly coming to a close, so is the world’s fascination with vampires (save for “Breaking Dawn Part II,’ the Broadway musical versions of all the movies and the eventual reboot of the entire “Twilight” film franchise in two years). But what craze can possibly replace them in our collective hearts that isn’t a zombie, pirate or Muppet? Here are some possibilities…
Sexy Sexy Mummies
Part of what draws people to vampires is their mysterious allure. And what can be more mysterious than someone wrapped head-to-toe in four-thousand-year-old toilet paper unable to make a single sound except for something that sounds like an obstructed bowel movement? Add to that their come-hither lumbering, the arms already outstretched for hugging and the fact that anything could break off at any moment and you’ve got yourself a sexy hunk that you better jump on right now.
Unemployed Gnomes
With the economy still in complete shambles and no one able to find a job, now more than ever people can see themselves in creatures that do absolutely nothing but hang around the house all day, grin dreamily from constantly smoking a pipe and wear what looks like early Forever Lazy outfits.
Emo Ninjas
Like vampires, ninjas kill for a living. Like vampires, ninjas dress all in black to remain dangerous yet fashionable. But unlike vampires, a ninja can become something else. This results in countless sad, self-reflective, melodramatic assassins who write songs about whether they should stab someone in the heart or open their own hearts to the joy that is pure love in the back of a band van.
Robot Monkeys
Primates have taken over the world in movies. Androids have taken over the world in movies. So imagine how quickly filmgoers will embrace a new race that combines the constant poo-flinging capabilities of a monkey with the dead-on targeting skills of a robot. Plus, is there anything more adorable than a monkey with a laser canon for an arm? Maybe a koala bear with a lightsaber for a leg, but let’s leave that debate to the scientists.
Vengeful Lego Minifigs
What if all the minifigs were suddenly to rise up and try to overthrow humanity? Well, we’d probably just suck them up with a vacuum cleaner and then burn all the Fisher Price Little People before they got any bright ideas. But until then we’d be treated to the most adorable, tiny creatures dressed as spacemen, pirates, knights and Chewbacca telling us off in their squeaky little voices, winning our hearts as we pulled off their heads.
Donkey Piñatas That Can Fly and Be Invisible and Shoot Fire out of Their Mouths and Stuff like That
Given enough marketing and promoted Twitter trends, the public will embrace any craze no matter how ridiculous. Thus, we present a new hero with a heart of gold and a skeleton system made entirely of cheap candy who more than anything wants to be a real donkey…if only so he can kick the birthday boy right in the face the moment that brat comes after him with a baseball bat.
What do you think will be the next big craze? Let us know in the comments!
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