So New Year's Eve is just around the corner and I’ve been thinking about the most awesome places to spend it. A crazy roof party in Boston, an all-nighter on the beach, one of those awesome Earth like planets they just discovered that have aliens and stuff… But I also couldn’t help thinking about where I don’t want to spend it after spending the last day and a half driving down the east coast in the rain. So I put together a list of the 10 worst places to spend New Year’s Eve.
10. NEW ZEALAND
Don’t get me wrong, New Zealand seems amazing! I would totally want to go there and buy a small beach house and open up a trinket store and live as a zany bachelor in my late 70s. But I don’t want to be the very first people to go into 2012. Cause when the apocalypse hits we’d be the first to go. Although it would kind of be worth it if I could have my own kangaroo. (that’s New Zealand right? Australia? Japan? Same thing. – Science)
9. STUCK IN AN ELEVATOR WITH A VERBOSE NEIGHBOR
Oh man, I hate when I have to talk to my neighbors in the elevator for 10 seconds on my way to the basement to use laundry and they’re complimenting my apparently brilliant use of the ikea bag as a hamper. To have this uncomfortable exchange for an entire night in a small enclosed location during the happiest time of the year would be sheer torture. Like 24 hour Ke$ha torture.
8. MORTHAL
God what a dump. Whiterun is where it’s at. And even then it’s cold enough to begin with forget about the middle of actual winter. Plus the dragons…
7. LOCKED INSIDE A FORECLOSED DENNY’S
Talk about bringing in the new year with a grand slam of sadness (nobody was talking about this btw). A late night at Denny’s with your barely cognitive friends is one thing, alone and cold with no food in sight is another. Although Denny’s is the best place to go in the event of a zombie apocalypse. Cause even zombies aren’t that hungry HEYOH!
6. IN A MOVIE THEATER WATCHING THE MOVIE “NEW YEAR’S EVE”
Man this looks awful. It’s pretty bad when there’s a movie out there that looks like “Valentine’s Day but worse.” 3 points for Seth Meyers though for sticking his middle finger up at the whole idea of quality. Hey man, he got bills yo. What I don’t understand is how you can have a movie with this calibur of talent and NOT include Sir Lord Danny Glover. I mean come on Hollywood the Glove fits! I’m boycotting in protest. Who’s with me!?
5. REHAB
You bros watch Breaking Bad? Rehab be crazy yo. Bitch. METH! Man that’s a good show. Anyway the worst place to celebrate something is around people who have ruined their lives by “celebrating.” If you ARE in rehab and reading this, good luck, it’s gotta be tough. And also stop reading my articles, I heard it makes you relapse.
4. IN A PLANE CONSTANTLY TRAVELING WEST
3…2…1…happy new year! (twenty minutes later) 3…2…1… happy new year! (and so on) Two things are clear. Saturation curbs excitement. And also I have NO idea how time zone travel works – SCIENCE!
3. DRIVING
The only thing worse than swearing in your Hyundai Accent at the mass of stopped vehicles in front of you is be stuck in that hellish traffic on New Year’s Eve. Nobody wants to drive, anywhere, ever, unless it’s really fast or you’re getting paid or you have to transport cargo before your heart stops snatch. So remember guys, give yourself plenty of time to get there this year.
2. A NICKELBACK CONCERT
I’ve gotten a TON of flack recently for making fun of Nickelback. Which has made me realize that many of you have your own opinion about music and everyone is affected differently by art. You’re also entitled to these opinions so long as you know they are wrong and you’re culture is void of substance. Nickelback is turrable. And the only thing worse than hearing them on the radio every 10 minutes would be spending one of the happiest nights on earth having your ears murdered by their horribleness live. – Science
1. TIMES SQUARE
I did this once. It was a lot of fun UNTIL we got to Times Square. Basically unless you’re in that main group of a couple hundred people, the city cops (who were awesome and not jerks) just usher you around in a continuous loop outside the event. It’s cold and crowded and there are a lot of mean tourists. And the only reason anyone does it is because they’ve always talked about doing it and it’s on TV and Black Eyed Peas etc. You’re better off just getting together with a close group of friends and doing something you love. Even if that involves Nickelback.
What’s you’re favorite way to celebrate New Year’s Eve? Let me know in the comments below or by tweeting at me @danborrelli
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