2011 had some of the worst movies EVER! I mean, I didn't actually see any of them, but I'm basing my opinion purely on the trailers. I ain't blowing my hard-earned dollars on poopy movies! And from the looks of two of these clips, 2012 isn't looking any better. In fact, there were so many bad movies I didn't see this year that BREAKING DAWN DID NOT EVEN MAKE THE CUT! I know, right? Frankly, the trailer just did not suck as much as these did. If I could kill a trailer, these trailers would all be brutally murdered. And I would not even feel a smidge of guilt about it.
Happy Feet Two
HAHAHAHA! Baby penguins acting gangsta and sexy! Seriously? I didn't think cover songs could get worse than when they are Glee-ified but these friggin annoying (albeit adorable) penguins have proven me wrong. And for the love of all that is holy... is that a walrus with a deformed wang nose!?!
The Zookeeper
It's kind of like a movie version of advice animal memes. Only not funny. I'm a huge animal lover, but these animals are so obnoxious, I just wanna starve Insanity Wolf for like a week and then let him loose in this zoo.
The Smurfs
Apparently Neil Patrick Harris CAN do wrong. Like really, really wrong. And it's in 3D, which unfortunately in no way improves the writing.
The Three Stooges
Okay, so technically this movie doesn't come out until 2012 but the trailer was released last week and I'm not at all going out on a limb when I declare it the worst movie of 2012. I totally wanna poke this trailer in the eyeballs and then proceed to beat it with a cast-iron skillet. And then drop an anvil on it's head. You know a movie's bad when Snooki gives the most convincing performance.
Jack And Jill
No one one in their right mind would believe that Jill is a real woman. That's why they had to get Katie Holmes as the co-star. Only a scientologist could convincingly portray a belief so batsh*t crazy.
Never Say Never
They said he would NEVER make it? That it would NEVER happen?? HE WAS 16 FRIGGIN' YEARS OLD WHEN HE BECAME FAMOUS!?! That's not exactly the definition of struggling to make it. I would never say never to Falcon Punching this trailer.
Abduction
Taylor Lautner's performance is SO bad in this movie, it makes his portrayal of Jacob Black seem Academy Award worthy.
Rock Of Ages
My favorite part of this trailer is Tom Cruise signing some chick's boobs like he literally doesn't care about boobs. It was the most believable part of his performance.
Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son
The funniest thing in this trailer is a 'Whoot! There it is' joke. Unfortunately for Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son, that line was only funny in 1995.
Arthur
Poor Russell Brand got stuck in a real stinker. I mean, this movie was rightly slayed by the critics. Good thing he could bury his head in his wife's boobies and have a good cry after his performance was skewered. That would make anyone feel much, much better.
Glee 3D Concert Movie
I'm pretty sure the "da,da,da,da..." at the beginning of the Glee version of Don't Stop Believing will be the sound I hear before I suffer a psychotic break. This movie not only celebrates the underdog, it celebrates two things I really hate--barfy sugary sincerity and Lea Michele.
Bucky Larson: Born To Be A Star
It's like Boogie Nights and Dumb And Dumber had a buck-toothed baby that I want to beat up. Someone must have bet Adam Sandler that he couldn't write a bigger pile of dog doo than Jack and Jill. I guess he 'won' that bet. Congratulations, person who used to be funny!
What do you think was the worst trailer you saw this year? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!
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