A lot of great games came out this year. But a lot of not great games also came out. Games so bad they almost make you want to go outside, or relate to others. Almost.
Transformers 3: Dark Of The Game
Any game where I can control Bumblebee should be the best game of the year. Seeing as I how I have spent my whole life yearning to be or control a jive-talking hip hop robot. Alas, even bumble bee couldn't save this ultra right-wing pro-military game from being as bad as Michael Bay's politics.
Rise Of Nightmares
Blehhhh. Blehhhhh. Yawn. Yawwwn. That's the sound that all the monsters in Rise of Nightmares should be making while they're shambling around tiredly waiting for you hit them with a hammer to put them out of their video game misery.
Plants Vs. Zombies
I don't care what any of you people say. This game is for sh*t. I get it, you buy new plants to make zombies not get you. There's no challenge to this game and zombie jokes are derivative and I can just picture some marketing guy listening to his five year olds dicking around in the living room and one of them says, "What if a flower punched a zombie?!" and he's like "That sounds like something young people would find ironic!" and then prints out a bunch of t-shirts and makes a video game.
Wipeout: In The Zone
The Kinect has thus far not faired well. But if you like a game where every time you do anything with your hands or feet your character throws themself off of a cliff as if they were begging for death, this is the game for you.
Duke Nukem: Critical Mass
Duke Nukem rated for teen. Why would anyone do that? There's nothing good about Duke Nukem to begin with except it's kind of funny when he throws a beer at a girl in a bikini. Take that away, and add graphics that would make a Turbo:Graphix 16 laugh at you and you get a game play experience that's about as exciting as watching Kathy Griffen complain about her hair curler burning her tips.
X-Men: Destiny
Hello, welcome to X-Men:Destiny, you'll be playing as me, just some guy.
They took a game about X-men and gave you the choice of playing absolutely no X-men. I can't even fathom why this happened. "Hey, we've got the X-men at our disposal. Who should we make the playable characters? What about wolverine? Nah... everyone does that. Uhh... Cyclops? No... that's too obviousy. The Beast? He's a nerd! OK, what about.... we just invent some crappy fake X-men who no one cares about? Bingo. Done." Get ready for all the thrills and excitement of playing as someone, doing something, for reasons unrelated to anything having to do with the X-men. Welcome to X-Men: Destiny. The choice to disinclude the X-Men from an X-Men makes about as much as sense making a Dora the Explorer game where the only playable character is Steve Buscemi, and he's really depressed and doesn't feel like doing anything.
Plants Vs. Plants
About the only thing less imaginative than plants vs. zombies.
What other games sucked this year? Let us know in the comments!
Check Out The Differences Between Japanese Video Games And American Video Games!
Comments
Post a Comment