It's a well-known fact that studio execs are evil, lazy, creeps who just care about making money and that's pretty much the basis of 90% of the sequels being produced. Their thought processes go something like this: "We could make a new crappy movie to shove down people's throats, or we could rehash an old crappy movie that people are familiar with and will willingly swallow because it's February and nothing else good is playing." Sadly, they are correct. People are more comfortable with crap they know than new and unfamiliar crap. It's why you don't mind the smell of your own farts but are repulsed when others pass gas in your presence. I defy you to find one sane person in the world who was actually clamoring for these stinker follow-ups to already stinky films!
Alvin And The Chipmunks: The Squeakquel And Chipwrecked
When the best part of a movie is the title pun, it doesn't deserve to exist. And now Chipwrecked has upped the doodoo-ness by being filmed in 3D. Is this really what we have to look forward to every year when the holidays roll around? Another Chipmunk movie? The only way I'll ever be on board with this franchise is if Alvin and the Chipmunks: Road Kill comes out next year.
Weekend At Bernie's 2
The tagline for this movie is "Bernie's Back...And He's Still Dead!!" Is there a person alive who clapped their hands in joy when they saw the movie poster for this sequel? "YES! More ridonkulous corpse hijinks? CAN. NOT. WAIT!" When it comes to partying with a dead body I'm willing to suspend disbelief for one flick. After that, the idea stinks worse than the rotting corpse you're still pretending to drink margaritas with.
Cats And Dogs: The Revenge Of Kitty Galore
Cats and Dogs was no Babe. Why did we need another animal version of a James Bond movie, again? Oh, it's furrier? Oh, it's in 3D? They don't make a pooper scooper big enough for this big steaming pile of cinematic poo.
Batman And Robin
Batman Forever should've been the end of the first Batman movie series. It sucked. Hard. But they made another sequel, Batman and Robin, a movie that is primarily remembered for its bat nipples and Mr. Freeze's use of every frozen/ice/cold pun known to man. Seriously. I defy you to come up with one he didn't think of. Villain fail. Master punmaker win.
Garfield: A Tail Of Two Kitties
The original Garfield Movie is one of Rotten Tomatoes 100 Worst Movies of All Time. Are there really that many people who want more films starring a fat, lazy cat and Jennifer Love Hewitt? And I don't know about you, but personally, I'm just not a big fan of any movie that claims to have "Cattitude."
Leprechaun In The Hood
The original Leprechaun is best known for being the film you can use to humiliate Jennifer Aniston when she's acting all pretentious actor-like. It also has a lot of bad puns about luck. (I'm beginning to see a pattern here with bad movies and puns.) Naturally, sequels were made, including one (actually a prequel) that took place in the 'hood. As undeserving as this sequel is, I'm still glad it was made. I like seeing a leprechaun get his ghetto on and say things like, "A friend with weed is a friend indeed, but a friend with gold is the best I'm told" before murdering a wannabe gangsta.
Air Bud 2 :Golden Receiver
The best part of the original Air Bud was the alcoholic clown. I may have been down with a sequel if that character was the star. Instead we get Bud again. Playing football. Same movie, different ball. Woof. Woof.
Twilight: New Moon--Breaking Dawn Part 2
This series is at most one crappy movie. And I did defy you to find me one sane person clamoring for more crappy sequels. Twihards don't count.
Which movie are you surprised got a sequel? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!
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