New Years Eve. The end of the old, the beginning of the new. A chance to start over for the whole world. There you are, the ball is about to drop. It's 11:58. What do you want more than anything? To mouth kiss the hell out of some stranger. With your mouth. You want to kiss up on them so deep that when you pull your tongue out it's covered in the food they ate three days ago. But how? Here's how:
TIPS FOR MEN:
Loudly Let Everyone Know How Long Your Tongue Is
Chicks like a guy with a really long tongue. The longer the better. Women like a guy whose tongue is so long he can turn off a light switch without getting up from the couch. So during every conversation you have at the New Years Party you are at, make sure to casually drop refeences to how long your tongue is. Example:
Your friend: "Yeah, my kid's still in college, he just switched majors again."
Me: "Man, he's been in college almost as long as my tongue is long!"
Have Your Toothbrush In Your Chest Pocket
That way women at the party will know you are very dedicated to having a clean mouth.
Hold A Puppy, Even If It's Not Yours
Women are way more likely to kiss guys who have a puppy with them. That's why I always make sure to tape puppies to my hands when I go jogging. Bonus points if the puppy has a party hat on, or humorously oversized glasses.
Tell Her You're Dying
If you have a girl you really want to kiss on New Years, tell her you have six months to live, and before you die the only thing you want is to be able to kiss someone one last time. (EXPERT TIP: Do not try this on the same girl two years in a row.)
Go To A New Years Party Where All The Other Guys Have Gross Things On Their Lips Except For You
Just by process of elimination you've got really good odds.
TIPS FOR WOMEN:
Stand There With Your Eyes Closed And Your Mouth Open
Trust me, if you do that long enough, someoene's going to walk up and kiss you. Although there is a 10% chance that a bee might land in your mouth. And there's a 2% chance that a flying squirrel might crash land in your mouth. But if you want to get kissed, those are the kind of chances you have to take.
Have Boobs, And Exist
For getting a guy to kiss you, this works pretty much every time.
What other things can you do to get kissed on New Years? Let us know in the comments!
Check Out The New Years Resolutions You Still Have Time To Try!
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