Girlfriends are often enjoyable to have around. They're great companions, and make good economic sense because they don't eat a lot and clean up after themselves. But some girlfriends... some of them are robots. The 2010 Census estimated that at least 1 in 8 girlfriends in the United States are secretly robots. And you can't trust a robot. Just ask the last guy who trusted a robot OH WAIT YOU CAN'T HE'S DEAD.
But how can you tell she's a robot? Here are some SMOSH approved telltale signs:
She Never Showers
This could means she's a robot and she can't get wet. Or it might just mean she's really bad at hygiene. Or both.
Whenever You Say You Want To Watch Television Her Forehead Opens And Projects A Television Image On Your Wall.
It's not a 100% foolproof clue, but it's definitely grounds to at least be suspicious.
When People Ask Her Her Name She Always Says, " 10011001...er...uhm... I mean.... Eileen."
People make that mistake every now and again, but if she does it too often, be on your guard.
She Always Chooses The Same Restaurant
Robots are programmed, which means they can only make the choices they are programmed to make. So if you notice a pattern in the restaurants she chooses this could be an indication of her being a secret. Be even more on alert if the restaurant she picks only serves motor oil and microchips.
You Catch Her Sucking Electricity Out Of The Wires In The Walls
She might just be trying to kill a bee that landed in her mouth, but then, she might not.
Her Hobbies Are Atypical
Most women have the same three hobbies: knitting, find recipes online, and waiting patiently for you to get home. If, for instance, instead of knitting, she's into killing off human Senators one by one and replacing them with identical robot counterparts... she may very well be a robot.
Instead Of A Vagina, She Has a Plug
This is also true of some Mormons, so don't jump to conclusions.
What are some other great indicators that your gal is a robot? Let us know in the comments!
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