Recently, Batman director Christopher Nolan announced that the upcoming third film in his Batman Trilogy, The Dark Knight Rises, is going to take place eight years after the conclusion of his previous Batman film, The Dark Knight. But what he did NOT announce was just what happened to his Batman in those eight years. However, using my incredible skills of JOURNALISM I spoke with many involved with the new film, and I think I've pieced together what Batman was up to in those eight years.
Getting back out on the dating scene
Ever since Rachel's death, Bruce Wayne has had a hard time dating, especially since he sometimes forgets that he isn't Batman. "Oh wow! Bruce, these are the best oysters I've ever tasted, I swear to God." "SWEAR TO ME."
Collecting Riddler Trophies
"Batman, come in! There's a robbery in progress at the first national bank! It looks like Falcone's men. They have hostages!"
"See, the problem is, the switch is at the top of the junkyard. Even if I press it, I can't reach the trophy in time."
"Batman, are you listening? Dear God, we have hostages down! Repeat! We have hostages down!!"
"Oh, I can just throw a remote-controlled batarang at it. That was really easy, actually. Gordon! It was actually a really easy one to get!"
Trying every Chipotle in his area
They all taste a little bit different, and Batman's just trying to find his favorite one.
Finding new Robins
You'd think when the fourth teenage boy, whose only skills are youthful optimism and minimal acrobatic training, is murdered by a serial killer, Batman would maybe dial back his want for a sidekick.
Golfing with Alfred
He was starting to feel like they never do anything anymore.
Trying to figure out what Joker's plan actually was
The Joker's plan didn't make any sense at all. Did he want to shoot the mayor? Or Gordon? Because he wanted to kill the mayor for sure but if Gordon hadn't been fake-killed the Joker wouldn't have gotten arrested and couldn't have killed Lao. The whole thing makes no sense. So Batman will, for hours at a time, take the case file to Chipotle and just sit with it, trying to figure out how it makes sense. And it never does. "It's just lazy screenwriting!" Batman sometimes yells, inexplicably.
All the events we saw in the previous Batman movies
Aha! You thought the Nolan movies were in a different continuity, didn't you? No no, they're just prequels! You see, Jack Nicholson actually got his Joker idea from that guy who blew up a hospital a few years back. And you remember all those theories that said Two Face wasn't dead at the end of the Dark Knight? He wasn't - and later on he went and killed Dick Greyson's parents at a circus. "But wait," you ask "wasn't there a Harvey Dent around the time of that Jack Nicholson Joker who was not only Two-Face'd but also black?" And to that I say, um, probably wasn't real. Mad Hatter or something.
What would you have guessed Batman did in those 8 years? Let us know in the comments!
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