I love my cats but they don't talk or help me in anyway whatsoever. And it's getting exhausting constantly having to perform their interior monologues out loud! When I become a billionaire I definitely plan on blowing huge wads of cash on procuring exotic pets. So get on it science! Cause I'll spend big bucks to have one of these beloved cartoons to call my own!
Meowth
Not just any old Meowth. I want one that taught itself to talk. For real, Meowths aren't smarter than other pokemons (like, a Geodude could probably outsmart them), but they have the common decency to learn how to speak. I think the rest of the pokemnans are just lazy.
Scooby Doo
The hardest thing about owning a dog is taking it for walks, and Scooby is as lazy as I am. He seems like the type of dog who will be cool to just hang out with me all day, playing video games and eating Taco Bell. Plus he comes with Scooby snacks. And I am dying to try me some Scooby snacks! You don't need a prescription for them, right?
Spongebob Squarepants
I love my cats but they are as jaded and bitter as I am. It would be nice to have someone with a positive outlook countering my negativity. And he knows how to make Krabby Patties. Eating one of those is on my bucket list. Also I'm pretty sure I could manipulate him into doing all my chores. My cats don't do crap!
Hello Kitty
Screw the Hello Kitty AK-47 or the Hello Kitty gravestone. Having a Hello Kitty IRL is the ultimate Hello Kitty collectible. The only danger in owning this kitty is dying from the cuteness. And just imagine the bank you could make producing viral videos of Hello Kitty hanging off of a ceiling fan or fart sneezing. You're going down, Maru!
Brian Griffin
If I had a dog who was not only capable of carrying on stimulating conversations, but could also make me a perfect dry martini, I'd let him hump my leg anyday! Actually he might like that too much. And I think that's illegal, even if the dog can consent.
Nyan Cat
I love poptarts, I love cats! And this cat has a rainbow coming out of its rear end. The only pretty thing my cat has ever had hanging out of his rear end was that piece of Christmas tree tinsel a few weeks back. And a long blade of grass one time. I wouldn't really describe that as pretty though.
Bugs Bunny
Bugs Bunny is my childhood hero. He is single-handedly responsible for me being a smart-ass. He is to me, what Pai Mei was to Kill Bill's The Bride. Only instead of teaching me how to kill using the 'Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique', he taught me how to crush people with devastating barbs and sarcastic zingers.
Derpy Hooves
It was hard to pick which pony I wanted, I mean I knew I wanted a pony, it's like every girl's dream, right? Then I remembered the time I wanted to adopt a pawless Maine Coon kitten from the pound and was devastated that someone had already placed dibs on him. And I thought, I am the type of person who would like to be thought of as someone who takes in a 'special needs' pet. And I knew right then and there, it had to be Derpy Hooves. Bonus: I would become Queen of the Bronies! Hey, I'll take whatever title I can get!
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