Human conversation is a rich, multifaceted phenomenon that despite all its meaning and complexities in the end is simply the same ten remarks being said over and over again.
“I’m sorry you feel that way.”
The very moment humans created speech they started talking passive-aggressively. And there is perhaps no greater passive-aggressive remark than the one in which you manage to say “I don’t care,” “Sucks to be you” and “You’re an idiot” all in the form of an apology.
“Well, I better let you go.”
Part of being in a conversation is knowing how to get out of a conversation. Hence this remark, which is the perfect way to say “I’m through talking with you” or “I have things I’d much rather be doing” and still appear as if you’re being thoughtful of the other person’s time and feelings.
“Ask your mother.”
Every dad’s one response to any question you may ask him, betraying both his figurehead status in the family’s ruling structure as well as the fact he was never listening to you in the first place.
“Do I look happy?!””
Always shouted with a quick turning of the neck, a throwing of the hands and a bulging of the eyes that clearly indicates your answer better not be “What have you got to be so upset about?” or “I can’t tell.”
“I don’t get it.”
The ideal way to kill a joke, stop a conversation, throw off a comments thread or just be greeted with a long, heavy sigh followed by the words, “Okay, let’s explain this one more time…”
“Do fries come with that?”
The one phrase that lets us know if we’re getting cheated on the price of a burger, that shows we always like a little bit more, and that follows almost every single food order ever given, even if it was “I’ll have the fried eel sushi” or “I’m not hungry.”
“Who threw that?!”
Sometimes in our lives we all feel targeted, we all want to know who attacked us, and we all want to know what that disgusting moist thing was that just smacked the back of our neck.
“I don’t need this right now!”
Eventually each of us reaches a time when we feel so overwhelmed, so overworked, so over everything that we just scream to the heavens in the hopes that a lightening bolt will come and kill us…or everyone else.
“I love you/I like you/We cool.”
While admittedly three sentences, they all combine to say the exact same crucial human sentiment—“You have yet to piss me off.”
“Shut up.”
Because sometimes the talking just has to stop.
What human conversations do you never want to have again? Let us know in the comments!
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