How Epic Fantasy Monsters Prepare for Vacation

Mikey McCollor

Ever since warring factions began to compete for the crown in the realm of men, envoys have been continually riding into the camps of various monsters and beasts, attempting to rally them to their cause. This constant intrusion is why getting away from it all and taking a vacation has become so important for the most epic of fantasy monsters!

Orc


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There is no way this guy doesn't pack his bags by just shoving everything in one duffel bag. Then he's the guy on your plane who's angry they can't fit his bag in the overheard compartment. It's like, get a second bag and have it checked, orc! Come on!

Giants


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It actually takes many, many years for giants to go on vacation, as they can't buy a single airline seat, they have to buy up and entire flight so they can lie down horizontally. It costs a lot of money, even using Giant Priceline, which was a shockingly poor business venture by Priceline.

Kraken


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What the Kraken doesn't understand is that the point of a vacation is to relax. These guys gets themselves all worked up worrying what could go wrong, like losing some luggage or missing their boat. Kraken wives do their best to remind them that it's not a big deal if they miss their boat, because they can swim, being Krakens, but with eight tentacles, there is a lot of hand-wringing going on here.

Wights


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It would really behoove the wights to start planning their vacations a little earlier. They usually end up forgetting to book a hotel and have to crash at some buddy's house. Worse still, sometimes that buddy is a pyromancer who wields the deadly and volatile substance known as Wildfire which burns into nothing! Then the wights are all "ugh, this is the only substance that can harm us" and the kids are like "ugh, I wish I wasn't burning all the time" and it just adds up to a really crummy vacation.

Goblins


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As the shorter, stupider version of orcs, goblins have an inferiority complex that always leads to them going to the same place Orcs went last year. In fact, a lot of us are beginning to suspect they just take the Orc's vacation pictures off of Facebook and Photoshop their own heads on them.

Direwolf


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Direwolves prepare for vacation by getting all their freelance blogging done the week before so they don't have anything to worry about while they're having fun!

Dragons


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Dragons go wherever they WANT. Because they're god damn DRAGONS. They prepare by BURNING THE TOWNSFOLK. Go DRAGONS!

Which monster is your blueprint for planning a vacation. Let us know in the comments!

Check out Going Back To School (In Medieval Times)

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