We get it, Justin. You and Jessica Biel are both attractive. Bo-ring. Another typical celebrity hookup where two people who are just as hot as each other and the same age and the same everything get married. Justin's better than that, he's usually pretty good about surprising us. It would have been nice if he had picked a more interesting partner. These, for instance, are some better choices for him that he should have proposed to:
Meryl Streep
Yeah, there's a bit of an age difference. But what a Hollywood power couple! Plus, and most people don't know this, she's actually much taller than she looks in film in real life. She comes in at 10'4," so whenever Justin got sad she could pick him up with one hand by his head and swing him around until he felt better.
Bjork
If Justin and Bjork tied the knot that would surprise everyone, and all sorts of interesting things would come from that coupling, on account of Bjork's need to be constantly avant garde and experimental. By the tenth year of their marriage they'd only come outside of their mansion shaped like a giant peach for exactly 44 minutes every day, and then only to do calisthenics inside a giant cage full of bats while a man in a purple Nazi uniform shouted prime numbers at them.
The Cast of iCarly
What a fun loving group of people to marry. Justin Timberlake and the cast of iCarly would have so many fun adventures if they got married. And it would be so cute at night for Justin to kiss them all to sleep. He'd get them all matching pajamas, and they'd all be tucked in in this giant bed and Justin, being the husband, would kiss each one on the forehead and tell them he loved them and they would fall right to sleep. And that's how babies are made.
Clint Eastwood
Yes, gay marriage is still illegal in most states, but it should be legal, and they'd make a great poster couple for it. Plus, frankly, Justin needs a partner that'll be a little tough on him. Like by hitting Justin with the butt of his gun if Justin finishes the milk but leaves the carton in the fridge.
Lois Griffin
Basically the two hottest people in Hollywood. Plus when a cartoon mates with a human they almost always end up giving birth to monsters!
A Timberwolf
That way he could take its last name, and change his name to "Justin Timberwolf."
Nega-Justin Timberlake
If Justin Timberlake married evil alternate shadow universe Nega-Timberlake, nothing could stop them! Surely we would all be made to bow down before them, and the sees would run red with the blood of anyone who gave "In Time" a bad review!
What other people should Justin have proposed to? Let us know in the comments!
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