What a blessed gift, a child! Beyonce got all full up with Jay Z juice and now she's producing an offspring for the world to celebrate. And where did she give birth to the bouncing baby Carter? Was it in a normal hospital room like you or me? No! It was an (at least) $3,200 a night "VIP hospital suite!" So what makes it so pricey? What are some of the extra features that non VIP's such as yourself and myself are not privvy to?
Butler Triplets
Harrigan Willington III, Barrington Willington III, and Larrington Willington III, are identical butler brothers who are the last in the line of the Willington family, a family of butlers whose butler roots date back at least to the reign of King Lionel V of Scotland. They come with the suit to provide the patient any and all of their basic needs at the ring of a bell. Beyonce had special fun noticing how deeply they bowed and thanked her for the honor of carrying away her stool in a golden chalice.
A Jacuzzi Full Of Rare Japanese Snow Apes
No hospital suite for the rich would be complete without a jacuzzi, but when you're a VIP you get that extra little bit, and in this case that extra little bit is to have the jacuzzi full to bursting with rare Japanese Snow Apes. What makes this so special is that Japanese Snow Apes are world renouned for their massage abilities, to in large part to the delicacy of their movements and the unusual strength of their hands.
Vintage Baby Food
Rich people demand only the finest in everything, and that includes food for their new baby. So the baby food menu is specially designed to introduce the palettes of young millionaires and billionaires food fit only for the 1%.
Specially Screened Nurse Maids
A newborn economically elite babe's thirst must only be quenched by the finest of breast milks. And the mother, an elite herself, ought not be bothered by such peasant matters as producing milk for a child. So the hospital hires "Titlieries," with is the French word for "breast searchers," people who are trained from the age of six to find breasts that produce only the sweetest, most nutrient rich, silkiest of milks to drip down the lips of the young madam or sir.
The Real Spiderman
Let's face it when you're rich, you've got enemies. Enemies that might want to harm your newborn sputtering offspring. And only the best protection will do.
Tic Tac Toe Chicken
Rich people love nothing more than playing tic tac toe against the unbeatable tic tac toe chicken! Oh heavens he won again! How does he DO that?!
What other unique features does Beyonce's rich person hospital suite have? Let us know in the comments!
Comments
Post a Comment