In the world of Skyrim heroes are great warriors who spend their life going from place to place getting things for people or defeating monsters who threaten those people. The world is a vast, snow-imprisoned, anarchic sea of half formed societies and despotic creatures hell-bent on conquest. There are many difficulties to overcome. But snow covered highlands aren't the only place heroes are needed. The suburbs of Skyrim, like the barren highlands of Skyrim, present heroes with many challenges. So what do the heroes of Skyrim have to overcome when they make it to the suburbs of Skyrim?
Jimeah The Elder Needs 2% Milk When The Store Only Has 1% Milk
Jimeah needs 2% milk (preferably organic) because she wants to make her special extra-creamy mashed potatoes tonight for her family, but the store only has the less creamy 1% milk. There are rumors of 2% milk elsewhere in town... will you be able to find it in time for Jimeah before her family comes home?
Kyrian Highaxe Is A Lazy Best Buy Employee
Kyrian works in the washer/dryer section of Best Buy. His manager wants to fire him because he caught Kyrian blowing pot smoke into a dryer and closing the lid, so that when a customer opens the lid they get hit with pot smoke. Kyrian is crappy employee in general but the manager plays poker with Kyrian's Dad at the Elk's Lodge every other Thursday. How will you solve the Mayor's dilemma?
Lizbeth Winterveil's Dogs Won't F*cking Shut Up
All hours of the g*ddamn day Lizbeth, the old lady that rents apartment 31C, has these jagoff little dogs that won't stop yapping- and we gotta get to work early at the Target tomorrow, cuz there's a new shipment of Dirt Devils coming in and Kurt our dickhead supervisor wants them stocked before the saps come to shop. You, the hero, must decide how to bring peace to this situation.
Chisolm Dragonfaust Wants To Open A Subway Franchise But Needs A Bank Loan
Chisolm is a 34 year college dropout who lives with his mom in a one-bedroom house by the tire store. He wants to buy a Subway restaurant and has saved up 8,000 bucks from selling pencil shavings he says are weed to middle schoolers. But he still needs $12,000, and unfortunately the Bank Of America near his house has been taken control of by a deadly Dvorax.
Some A**hole Left His Couch In The Intersection
Can you, Skyrim's true champion get that couch out of the intersection so people won't have to take the long way on 34th to get to the McDonald's?
Teenagers Are In The Park After 9PM
9PM's the curfew for the park and only the hero of the suburbs of Skyrim, whose might has no equal, can roust those teenagers and clear the park. Who knows what those no good teenagers are up to? Graffiti? Drinking? Fondling? Drug doing? Topless Night-Soccer? Who knows? One thing is for sure: Teenagers are trouble, and trouble is your middle name.
The Independent Record Store's Velvet Underground Selection Kind Of Blows
Dude, Velvet Undergound is a tight band? Hero of Skyrim, they need to at least get the albums with Nico singing on them, for the good of all!
What other suburban tasks must Skyrim's hero complete? Let us know in the comments!
Check Out Ten Things I Missed While Playing Skyrim Last Month!
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