Let's not mince words here — gang violence is on the rise, home invasion is becoming more common, and there's a possibility Newt Gingrich might be the President. These are frightening times, and it should be clear that the weapons we currently have to defend ourselves are far from adequate. With that in mind, I'd like to stake my claim as an innovator in the field of weapons — here are my ideas of weapons that could be combined with other weapons to make more powerful weapons.
Taser Knuckles
Sometimes you just gotta electrocute a man while you're punchin' him into a meat patte, you know?
Flashbang grendaes taped to a wrench
What if you could club someone AND make them unable to see? Also you would make yourself unable to see. But if you've got all these flash grenades sitting around, you might as well use them, you know?
Acid shooting Spreader Gun from Contra
Acid is great, but it really only hits one area of the body. If you can hit them with a triple shot of acid, you're much less likely to leave them alive and Two-Faced, which makes every February 2nd at 2:22 a tense time.
Sniper Bazooka
Can you imagine wielding the pinpoint accuracy of a sniper rifle combined with the firepower of a bazooka? It's like Reese's Peanut Butter Cups — two great tastes that go great together, except instead of tastes it's killing.
Knife-o-copter
Sometimes, a situation can be so deadly that a single knife isn't enough. Sometimes two knives aren't enough. Sometimes even three knives aren't enough. Sometimes even four knives aren't enough. Sometimes even five knives aren't enough. Sometimes even six knives aren't enough. Sometimes even seven knives aren't enough. Sometimes even eight knives aren't enough. Sometimes even nine knives aren't enough. Sometimes even TEN knives aren't enough. Sometimes even ELEVEN knives aren't enough.
Trained Bear Spitting Sharks
We've all been in fights where you brought your trained bear only to find out that your opponent has a trained bear as well! It seems like a stalemate, but if you have a bear that spits out trained shark, the advantage is yours again!
Trained Bear Shooting Sharks Shot from a Gun
Of course, if The Dark Knight has taught us anything, it's that A. you should not leave your enemies Two Faced and B. crime always escalates. So once we train sharks to shoot bears, they'll train their bears to shoot their sharks. Once we weponize bear shooting sharks, thoguh, we'll e back where we started — essentially in a gun fight. It's like simplifying a fraction.
What weapons would you put together to make yourself unstoppable? Let us know in the comments!
Comments
Post a Comment