At this year's Superbowl, the New England Football Guys will meet in an epic clash with the New York Footballers. Despite having never watched a game of football before in my life — interpretive dance was more my style growing up — I've had a few premonitions that I feel pretty good about. Here are my predictions for this Sunday's Superbowl.
That guy there jumping? He's going to do good at the Superbowl
I think that guy is going to walk out of there with more superbowls than ANYONE.
This guy is going to use Johnny Cage's Shadow technique
It's high time Raiden the Thunder God started contributing by granting some players supernatural powers. He hasn't contributed since being drafted to the Giants in '09.
They're going to throw the football
One thing I do know about New England is that they are a football team, and football teams often throw the ball to other players on their same team to try and get that ball in the endzone. If I had to guess, I'd think we'll see New England throw the football in this game.
New York will pretend they want to stab New England
After a Patriots score, some of the Giants will come up and do that joke where you pretend you're so mad you just want to stab 'em but they really don't and in good fun. You have to remember, most football players are dads and therefore have a dad's sense of humor.
A flashback to the player's early years will occur in the second act
A revalatory flashback will change the complexion of the game, as we'll learn Eli Manning is actually Tom Brady's long lost baby brother. This has been foreshadowed since season two.
Win or lose, New York is going to have a fun time
They're just happy, fun time guys, you know? Seeing them smile makes ME smile!
Sometimes the ball will be poisonous
From what I understand, sometimes in football there is what's known as a "Doom Ball", when a referee will poison the ball and cause the immediate death of whoever catches it. During a New England possession, some New York Guys will notice the referee poisoning the ball and despite being bitter rivals, will at the last moment push the intended New England receiver to safety. This selfless act will make them heroes. Heroes that will lose the Superbowl 31- 17.
Who's your pick to be Superbowl, uh, master? Let us know in the comments below!
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