Ganon sure is a grumbly fellah! What a sour puss! Always trying to enshroud all the land in darkness! subjecting others to slavery and death and his heinous machinations! But why is such a bummer all the time? Was he just born a bad dude? Nah, nobody's born a d*ck, and Ganon is no exception, in fact here are the reasons why Ganon has such a bad attitude all the time:
He Had A Difficult Childhood
His parents were merchants who were traveling around all the time, so he was always moving schools and never got a chance to make any real friends. Also he was the only kid in school who looked like a giant upsetting angry pig, which only made matters worse.
He's Diabetic
And they haven't invented insulin yet in Hyrule, so he's pretty much always on edge.
He Has One Of Those Little Splinters, Those Annoying Ones Just Below The Skin That Can't Get Out, In His Foot
After a few days that would piss anyone off, let alone your whole life.
His Roommate Is Michelle Bachman
It's all he can afford.
A Pimple On The Inside Of His Nose
You know, the one in your nose that you can't pop and hurts like a b*tch. Give yourself a week of having that go on and I bet you anything you try to bring the dark world into the world of light.
His Mom Is Always Passive Aggressive About Her Wishing He'd "Done More With His Life."
Ganon's Mom: "Well Ganon, you know your brother Ray is a Doctor now." Ganon: "... Mom! I conquered the entire KINGDOM!" Ganon's Mom: "I'm sure your brother Ray would be more than happy taking over the kingdom if he weren't busy saving people's lives. And another thing about Ray, he didn't have to capture his wife, she agreed to marry him." Ganon: "ARGGH!"
Hemmorhoids. Really Bad Hemmorhoids.
You try not wanting to enslave an entire world when every time you sit down it feels like someone glued hot coals to your a**hole.
Why else is Ganon grumpy? Let us know in the comments!
Comments
Post a Comment