Not every Disney princess is as book smart as Belle or as hard-working as Tiana. Most of them are LAZY, INCOMPETENT, MAN-HUNGRY MOFOS! Since March is National Women's History month, let's take a look at those ladies who bring dishonor to the gender. Get it together, ladies! Or should I say LAZIES?
Ariel
Susan B. Anthony must have rolled over in her grave after viewing The Little Mermaid in the afterlife. Giving up your voice in order to get a man? Use your brain Ariel!! Surely you must have one of them in your junk cavern! You know what's hard? Finding a man who loves you for who you are and would never want to change you, even if you were vagina-less half-fish. It doesn't take much work to land a guy when you're basically a collection of hot lady parts that don't speak. SMH.
Cinderella
Cleaning is way easier than standing up to your captors...am I right? And then when Cinderella finally has a chance to make a move, she has to depend on a fairy Godmother and a bunch of rodents to make the night of her dreams a possibility. Even after all that, she literally makes no impression on the Prince, the supposed love of her life. Her defining characteristic for him? She fits into this shoe I found. WHY DOESN'T HE REMEMBER HER FACE? Quite an impression!
Princess Aurora- Sleeping Beauty
HELLO?? She's sleeping practically the whole damn movie!! The fairies and the bland Prince Phillip do all the hard work, while Aurora keeps on hitting the old snooze button. I don't even believe she was really under a spell, she was probably just faking it to avoid helping. Reminds me of how my mom would clean on Saturday mornings and ram the vacuum cleaner into my door as I pretended to sleep. I got your number, boo!
Princess Jasmine
When she's not causing trouble for Aladdin, she's a helpless damsel in distress waiting to be saved. She's supposedly Jafar's slave...but she doesn't really do anything other than sit around looking pretty. I mean I'm happy that in the end she didn't have to marry the kind of rapey Jafar...but she really didn't do anything to break the hold her father had on her life and or reject the patriarchal society that was forcing her into an unwanted marriage. She took the easy way out. Marry the street scamp with the monkey. What's a girl to do?
Snow White
Snow White. A pretty face. A lazy ass. She must depend on the kindness of woodland animals and dwarves to survive. And like Sleeping Beauty, she snores through most of the action. Until at last... a prince comes along to kiss her out of her stupor! Well, I guess kiss her out of her slumber would be more accurate. Cause she looks pretty dopey riding off to her happily ever after. No offense to Dopey!
Mulan
Honestly? Mulan is my FAVE Disney Princess. SHE KICKS ASS! But her father requested that I put her on the list and he scares me. He's the original High Expectations Asian Father. I will say her male drag was pretty lacking, like an A-. What no hormones? No breast removal?? I mean she wouldn't last one round on Rupaul's Drag race! LAZY! (Jk Mulan I love you!)
Who do you think is the laziest Disney princess? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!
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