You’ve seen the video. Your mother has seen the video. Your mother has sent you the link to make sure you’ve seen the video. Your grandparents finally got an internet connection just so they could see the video. You know the video we’re talking about.
And now according to Variety, “Ultimate Dog Tease” has just been optioned by Paramount to be made into a feature-length motion picture. Which begs the question, what other YouTube videos will be hitting your local Imax screen soon? More specifically, what other ANIMAL videos will become the next film franchise? Here are just a few candidates for future Oscar nominations…
Maru and the Giant Box
Premise: Cat achieves ultimate dream. Repeatedly. Like Rudy in “Rudy,” Forrest Gump in “Forrest Gump,” and Jaws in “Jaws’ (if you see the movie from the shark’s point of view), Maru has one goal, one heart’s desire, that everyone else says is far beyond his means. But just like Rudy finally made the Notre Dame football team, Forrest made that shrimp boat company a success, and Jaws made his way through a lot of summer tourists, Maru proves his naysayers wrong. Again and again. Just to make sure they got the point.
Thor the Big Toon Rabbit
Premise: The most adorable monster movie EVER. Imagine when the gigantic protagonist first appears on screen as the audience screams, “Bull****! That has got to be a midget in a bunny costume!” Imagine when the main character tries to show humanity he means it no harm as the audience shrieks, “No, seriously! Someone must have hot-glued carpet samples to a dwarf!” Imagine when the huge rabbit must depart, once more cruelly rejected by man, as the audience wails, “Somebody tell me that’s just a hairy child because there is no way in hell that thing is a real bunny!”
Honey Badger
Premise:A terrible evil threatens the African savannah, and only the honey badger is strong enough to defeat it. But he doesn’t, because honey badger don’t care.
Cookie the Penguin
Premise: Hero overcomes adversity to get the last laugh. Or freakish giggle. Much like “Dolphin Tale” (only replacing a missing tail with a foot infection) or “Free Willy” (replacing a cruel amusement park owner with an extremely nurturing and caring staff of doctors), the story of Cookie is about how one animal can overcome obstacles—or waddle adorably across a tile floor—ultimately to be greeted by applause and gales of screeching laughter coming out its own beak.
Transformer Owl
Premise: One bird, two--Mother of God, what WAS that?! Quick, rewind. What happened to his face?! Can you imagine if Hedwig did that in the “Harry Potter” movies? Everyone would be running around the Gryffindor common room screaming, “Augh! Augh!!! Get away from me! I don’t want your mail!” Even Dumbledore wouldn’t be able to stop it. Then Hogwarts would fall into despair, leaving Voldemort to stroll right in and make himself headmaster and captain of all four quidditch teams. In other words, I guess some YouTube clips should not be made into films.
Too Much of a Good Thing
Premise: “Requiem for a Dream” with household pets. One cat’s crippling catnip addiction causes him to spiral out of control in the unforgiving city…or just quickly and cutely twirl in a circle before losing his balance on a jute rug. Filled with regret but fueled by destructive desire, Jupiter eventually kicks his habit through hard work. Or by becoming fascinated with a red laser light on the wall instead. Or by just going back to sleep for 18 hours a day.
Baby Monkey (Riding Backwards on a Pig)
Premise: A mismatched buddy cop film for the petting zoo demographic. One is a wild, ill-mannered rebel who refuses to play by the rules. The other is a mild-mannered, experienced veteran of the force who WHY WON’T THIS SONG LEAVE MY HEAD?!? WHY WON’T THIS DAMN SONG LEAVE MY HEAD?!? WHY OH GOD WHY WON’T THIS SONG EVER LEAVE MY @#$% HEAD?!?!?
What youtube videos would you like to see turned into movies?
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