In the upcoming "Avengers" film, we know that Marvel's most powerful heroes will team up to stop prankster god Loki from destroying the planet. Although, when personalities as big and brash as Thor, The Hulk, and Iron Man form an alliance, how long can it last? Are they a team, or a time-bomb? (Spoiler: a time bomb) But for a property with as much back story as The Avengers, there must be clues and winks to some of the more obscure mythology. So now that we've gotten a hold of a new trailer, we're going to go frame by frame to discover the secrets of the Avengers!
The long standing question of whether or The Avengers trailer would be approved for appropriate audiences is finally answered!
Here we see a city. What kind of city? Is this Avengers City, as referenced in Avengers #423?
From a different angle we can see, that no, it is not Avengers City. Probably like New York or something.
Could this destruction have been caused by the Iron Man villain The Mandarin?
Nah, The Mandarin can't lift up trucks.
Here we see explosive stuff falling from the sky.
And here is a car exploding. What kind of Marvel villain has a vendetta against cars? Did Thor ever fight an Amish guy?
Jesus, I get it with the explosions.
Here we see Samuel L. Jackson's Nick Fury, who will lead The Avengers. But who is that mysterious figure standing behind him?
Moving on to cars, here we catch our first glimpse of some military kind of cars.
This military guy is taking aim, perhaps at Iron Man villain The Mandarin?
Oh cool, hadn't seen an explosion for a while.
Might the villain in The Avengers be sentient explosions?
There have been long-standing internet rumors that the military would fire guns in The Avengers.
Those rumors are confirmed!
Here is the first appearance of some squirmy agent guy who works with Nick Fury. Since he's not an Avenger and therefore doesn't matter, I'm going to call him Squidward. And just who is that mysterious figure in the background?
We see here Nick Fury's weird broken face lines. It's like his face is made out of cement and the eye-patch fell into it from a tall building. Could Nick Fury be an animated Easter Island man with a broken rock face?
Marvel! And the fanboys go crazy!
Paramount Pictures! The fanboys go less crazy, but still plenty crazy!
Helicopters are in The Avengers. If you were wondering.
Here is a mysterious figure at a gym. Could it be original Avengers member Ant-Man?
Whoever he is, we know he's strong.
Could it be original Avengers member The Wasp? The Wasp is a girl.
This is not The Wasp.
Here is Dr. Bruce Banner, who will turn into the Hulk at some point. He lives in a house not big enough for a Hulk.
Here we see Bruce Banner try to convince Scarlett Johansson he is not a Hulk.
But don't worry he's totally a Hulk! Why doesn't Banner want Scarlett Johansson to think he's a Hulk? Can a Hulk ever know ...
... love?
In any event, Scarlett Johansson is going to get Banner to join the Avengers.
Wait, because she has guys with guns outside? That's her plan to force him to join The Avengers? Scarlett Johansson, have you ever met The Hulk?
Here we see a hammer, making all us fanboys wonder if Thor is going to be in the film.
Thor sees the hammer too, and wonders if Thor is going to be in the film.
Whatever Thor is saying, it is frustrating Squidward.
Now he's shooting some lightning or something with his hammer. Ugh.
Thor, we get it! You're good at lightning!
Here it looks as though Bruce Banner has forgotten to button his shirt. Could the Hulk, uh, venom be destroying his memory?
Who the f*ck is this guy?
Nick Fury all like "damn gurl".
Here we catch our first glimpse of Stark Industries, which looks like it's been built over the goddamn Staples Center.
Here we see Iron Man walking on a rooftop in a city that appears to be in America. Captain America has been long rumored to be in The Avengers. Could this be a hint?
Does Tony Stark have a complex machine that removes the Iron Man suit for him, or is he being mugged by a Transformer? Could the rumored Avengers/Transformer crossover actually happen?
He truly is an iron man.
Tony Stark looks like he has something to prove.
Prove he's the flyest dancer there ever was.
The internet rumors that Thor is goddamn handsome are confirmed.
Ugh, what is Iron Man up to? I just want to look at Thor.
IRON MAN IRON MAN NO DON'T DO THIS
It's like Iron Man has COMPLETELY forgotten what it means to be an Avenger!
(By and by, what does it mean to be an Avenger? What are they avenging? It's the first movie, there is nothing yet to avenge.)
Here we see Squidward asking out How I Met Your Mother. Yeah right Squidward.
Well, it looks like Thor and Iron Man have solved their differences, thanks to this mysterious stranger.
The film will come out in May. CONFUUUUURMED.
Thor is seen here, accumulating frequent flyer miles. Could frequent flyer miles be the only way to defeat the Skrulls?
Did someone forget to focus the lens? Come on people, this is a major motion picture!
That's better. Here we get our first glimpse at Hawkeye, who is being played by Baby Tom Cruise from Mission: Impossible 4, walking with Scarlett Johansson and the mystery figure. I hope Marvel has a great reveal in store for him.
Scarlett Johansson has leaped up and grabbed a pole and begun to swing. Could this mean ...
Yes! The laws of physics are the same in The Avengers universe as in our own! CONFIRMED.
Who might she be kicking? Well, it looks like they're wearing some kind of armor. Captain America has been known to wear armor. Could this be another hint that Captain America will appear in the film?
Oh hey, another explosion! It's been a long while, old friend.
And now mystery character flies into the screen. Might he be, uh, early Avengers member, like, Quicksilver?
Whoa, Iron Man is still in this movie! We know at some point in the film, Iron Man will fly.
But look behind him for a second. It looks like Iron Man is landing in a park. Americans enjoy parks. Could this be another hint of Captain America's appearance in the film?
Here's Loki, the trickster god. Might this be hinting that the film will feature an appearance from Loki, the trickster god?
Will Thor take up base jumping in the new Avengers movie?!
No, he's just bringing his hammer down on the mystery character. His use of a shield may hint at an appearance later in the film from Captain America.
Is Thor being blown away by a blast of energy, or the reveal of a SECRET? Who is Thor's REAL father, anyhow?
Loki's kind of a d-bag.
Here's that city full of explosions. Looks like there will be lasers in this movie! LASERS. CONFIRMED.
Aww Scarlett Johansson. Don't be sad!
SERIOUSLY SCARLETT JOHANSSON DON'T BE SAD.
Here's Baby Tom Cruise, shooting an arrow. Thanks for the contribution there, chief.
What could Hulk and Scarlett Johansson be running from? Skrulls? Or their own feelings?
(Seriously though, do you think the Hulk has ever had sex with a woman?)
Tony Stark has no idea who this guy is either.
We hear Bruce Banner say "We're not a team, we're a time bomb."
NO IDIOT YOU'RE A TIME BOMB. YOU'RE THE HULK, JESUS.
THOR DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO EXPRESS HIS EMOTIONS.
Could the long-rumored Avengers/Power Rangers crossover be happening?
Baby Tom Cruise will be doing his dolphin impression in the film.
He'll also shoot arrows, which how can that be helpful to a god and an iron man and a Hulk?
Here we see the mystery character being offered a hand. Might he be getting a hand from Captain America?
So we have Iron Man flying somewhere.
They explode a bunch of stuff. Cool, I was worried about the lack of explosions thus far in The Avengers.
This explosion is probably a reference to, I don't know, like, Daredevil or something.
So anyhow, Iron Man is falling. That's rough. But something's coming to catch him! Captain America?!
It's Hulk. The answer was Hulk.
Dude, Hulk, Iron Man is made of iron. He can fall a long way, for sure. You're totally making it worse.
Something is wrong with Baby Tom Cruise.
There is no way these two attractive white people aren't going to fall in love.
So, remember all the characters you've been getting introduced to?
Sometimes they get together in a circle.
And you get to look at all of them.
Including Thor who is just, ugh, so pretty.
Also Scarlett Johansson, who has literally never felt a feeling.
I'm honestly stumped as to who this could be. Lex Luthor?
But the trailer isn't over! Tony Stark says he's going to bring the party!
Scarlett Johansson is unimpressed.
And with good reason. Nothing too impressive Iron Man.
HOLY SH*T DRAGON ZORD FROM POWER RANGERS.
May 4th release date: CONFFFIIIIIIIIIIIRMED.
Are you more or less excited for The Avengers than you were before? Let us know in the comments below!
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