Computers Cannot Defeat... Mario!

Daniel Dominguez

For those of us who have played the original Super Mario Bros. we remember how hard that f*cker is. It's easy at first, controlling a plumber on a senseless killing quest to free some rich woman from a lunatic murder turtle, but it gets really damn tough by the end. 

 

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If you think about it, basically the same plot as "Taken"

 

It gets so tough in fact, that computers, which are the ultimate genius machines, are almost incapable of beating it.

 

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Skynet was able to defeat the entire human race, but it couldn't get past level 5-2 on Super Mario Bros

 

Computer Scientists tested computers playing Super Mario and determined that in Computer Science terms it must be classified as "NP-Hard," which means that it is: "most difficult to solve by computational means because the time it takes to find a solution tends to increase so quickly with the size of the problem that it just isn’t practical to perform the computation."

 

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Computers have no trouble beating Alvin And The Chipmunks In: Chipwrecked, they just don't feel like it

 

Interestingly, when computers play Grand Theft Auto, scientists found that the computers would spend up to 14 hours in a row getting prostitutes into their car, having sex, not paying the prositutes, kicking them out of the car, chasing them with a chainsaw, then coaxing them back into the car to repeat the cycle all over again.

 

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Computers are f*cking perverts

 

I should note that I have beaten Super Mario Brothers with relative ease, which means that I am smarter than a computer. I should also note that this guy can beat Super Mario Brothers in 18 minutes, without losing a single life: 

 

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This man is better than a computer

 

If computers get a headache from playing Super Mario Brothers, I can only imagine that playing Demon's Souls would make them explode. 

 

How will we deal with the inevitable rise of the machines? Join them? Let us know in the comments!

 

Check Out These Rejected Super Mario Games!

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