For every huge movie success there’s a whole production crew already working on the sequel. But fortunately for some classic films a promised follow-up never happened because of change of heart, corrective brain surgery, or someone eventually screaming, “For the love of God, we can’t make a film called ‘Casablanca 2: Electric Boogaloo’!”
E.T.: Nocturnal Fears
When “E.T.’ proved not only a box office hit but a pop cultural behemoth, it was only natural that Spielberg would get to work on a sequel. But how do you follow up a feel-good film of wonder and magic that appealed to all ages? Mostly by focusing on all the death and torture you left out in the original. And so the studio started working on a movie about evil midget aliens who come to earth to capture humans for their intergalactic zoo, murder several cows, and kidnap and threaten to kill Elliot and his family. Then E.T.—whose name we find out is really “Zrek”—returns to save the day only to say good-bye again, creating a sequel in which not only would little kids cry once more over their friend’s departure but would be left asking their parents what’s an alien probe and will they one day wind up living and defecating in a tiny space zoo cell.
Splinter of the Mind’s Eye
Prior to the release of “Star Wars,” author Alan Dean Foster was tasked to write a book sequel that could be used as the basis for a low-budget movie follow-up should the first film be greeted with a collective “Well, it’s okay, but it’s no ‘Herbie the Love Bug.’” However, since the author had only an early draft of the “Star Wars” script to work with—and orders to go light on the special effects because model glue isn’t as cheap as you would think—his story is riddled with inconsistencies and odd plot choices. Han doesn’t appear because Harrison Ford hadn’t yet signed on for a sequel, most of the action occurs on a foggy planet because that would have required only dry ice, a fan, and maybe shooting in someone’s basement, and the sexual tension between Luke and Leia could have resulted in the subtitle “Episode V: You Know That’s Illegal and Probably Will Result in Flipper Babies, Right?” But as we all know, “Star Wars” went on to be a huge success and “Splinter of the Mind’s Eye” remained only as a book for generations of readers to go, “Good God, Luke, she’s your sister! Stop slipping your hand in her pant’s back pocket!”
Superman Lives
Before next year’s “Superman: Man of Steel,” before 2006’s “Superman Returns,” Warner Bros had tried to revitalize the Caped Crusader’s franchise with “Superman Lives.” Planned for 1998, the movie was to be directed by Tim Burton, written by Kevin Smith, and starring Courtney Cox as Lois Lane, Chris Rock as Jimmy Olsen…and Nicolas Cage as Superman (which would have resulted in a superhero being scary quiet for several minutes before completely losing his sh*t). Problems started to arise, however, when the producer demanded that Superman must be dressed all in black, he must fight a giant spider, and he must not be able to fly, all of which would have worked great had this been a movie about some Goth kid battling a radioactive Charlotte’s Web. Other studio orders included Lex Luthor getting a space dog and someone blocking out the sun with a giant disc, a plot that had already been used in “The Simpsons.” Eventually the film was put on hold, Burton went on to film “Sleepy Hollow” and fans never got to see if Superman would also be required to rap or replace “Up, up, and away!” with “Outta here! Peace!”
Forrest Gump 2: Gump & Co.
We all remember the famous scenes when Forrest met Jon Lennon, talked to President Kennedy, and accidentally created the jogging craze. But what about when he met Vanilla Ice, talked too fast for Vice-President Dan Quayle, and accidentally invented the Rubik’s Cube thanks to some Lego blocks and a mishap with a nail gun? Such is what could have happened with “Forrest Gump 2,” in which our hero was to be present at every defining moment of the 1980’s and 90’s, from the birth of MTV to the death of “Star Wars” thanks to the release of “The Phantom Menace.” Fortunately, Tom Hanks nixed the project and we as a nation were sparred having to learn that it was actually Forrest who drove OJ Simpson’s getaway car in a police chase that was so slow because Gump had never driven anything faster than a lawn mower.
Roger Rabbit II: Toon Platoon
Devised as a prequel to “Who Framed Roger Rabbit,” “Toon Platoon” was to tell the story of how Roger got his big break in Hollywood…by fighting Nazis. There were a bunch of other twists and turns—including Roger finding out Bugs Bunny is his deadbeat dad—but all that kind of fades in the distance whenever you think “animated comedy about Nazis.” “But what if we show Jessica Rabbit in even skimpier clothes?” the studio might say, to which one could only reply, “Yeah, but really? Nazis?” “Well, what if we add even more zany slapstick” they might add, to which one could only respond, “You mean slapstick Nazis?” “Um, how about we--” they could offer, only for one to cut them off and say, “All I hear is ‘blah blah blah Nazis.’” And so “Toon Platoon” never hit the big screen.
Jaws 3, People 0
Pitched by National Lampoon and penned by “Vacation/Ferris Bueller/Breakfast Club” writer-director John Hughes, “Jaws 3, People 0” was meant as both an official sequel to—and parody of—the Jaws movies. It begins when the actual author of the “Jaws” book, Peter Benchley, goes for a dip in his swimming pool only to be cut in half by a shark. Then things get weird. Steven Spielberg—or someone playing him—keeps getting body parts chomped off as he tries to film a “Jaws” sequel all the while dealing with a real shark attack on his movie set. Eventually the ocean killer attacks a bunch of people in landlocked Idaho as every senior Hollywood executive involved gets eaten in a movie that more or less said to the studios, “We want you all dead. Now let’s talk financing.” And so the script was shelved and replaced with “Jaws 3-D,” which killed far more careers in the process.
What other movies deman sequels? Let us know in the comments!
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