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Ah, Nicktoons. You squandered some of the best years of your life watching ‘em. You may have even considered the characters in ‘em to be your friends. Well, some of the characters, anyhow. Certainly not any of the ones on this list – these brats are irredeemably obnoxious.
Angelica Pickles
I mean, duh. Rugrats’ resident witch is a deceitful, smart-mouthed, entitled little turd – basically, she’s a bridezilla waiting to happen. That is, if there’s a man in this world who hates himself enough to marry her.
Heffer
Lazy, shiftless, and morbidly obese, Rocko’s best friend will never be a productive member of society. His adoptive parents should strongly consider rescinding their decision not to eat him.
Debbie Thornberry
Why is she so upset all the damned time? She doesn't even have to go to school! The textbook definition of teen angst, she never tires of making a scene (and making my skin crawl).
Helga Pataki
She's as rude, physically abusive and caustic as she is ugly. Sure, her parent's neglect probably explains her anti-social behavior...but can you blame ‘em for ignoring the little hellion?
Doug Funnie
Straight up, Doug’s a puss. He’s ridiculously insecure (Dawg, why you trippin’? You have your own show!). And with the way he dotes on Patti, you just know he's gonna grow up to be whipped as hell by his wife. (Wait a second...maybe we found a mate for Angelica!)
Norbert Beaver
Sure, he's way more intelligent than his brother Dag, but he doesn't have to be so friggin’ smug about it all the time? And why am I so upset about the hubris of a cartoon beaver?
Chuckie Finster
The Chuckster is even more of a puss than Doug (yes, kids, it’s possible). He’s terrified of the guy on the oatmeal box, for God’s sake! And his lisp? C’mon. Maybe being friends with the king of the dweebs isn't such a good idea, Tommy.
The Gromble
The guy eats students, man. C’mon, you’re telling me there’s no law against that? And the way he's nice to Oblina but a d*ck to the dudes implies that he might have some monstrous intentions, if you catch my drift. Doesn’t the academy have some kind of ethics committee I can report him to?
SpongeBob SquarePants
Listen – if anyone really fits the definition of annoying, it's him. Just ask Squidward.
Are there any other irritating Nicktoons characters I neglected to rag on? Let me know in the comments, or tell me @Bornferal!
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