The Only 6 Things Pop Songs are Ever About

Daniel Dominguez

Musicians have busy lives. They're too busy running around, doing drugs, banging models, eating ice cream, shopping for shoes, and smashing guitars that don't need to be smashed to think of creative ideas for songs. Here are their go-to topics when they have to crap out a song in like twenty minutes so they can get to a sushi party or whatever the hell else it is that they do.

 

Convincing someone not to have low self esteem

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"Gurl, why don't you think you're beautiful? Don't you know that a guy like me lurves you? Hey, for real though, is that what you're wearing out tonight? You look like a clown that fell into a box of easter egg paint."

 

Getting cheated on

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How do pop stars keep getting cheated on? They have so much money, fame, attention, power... Oh right. The complete lack of personality beneath those things. Maybe Justin Timberlake wouldn't have to keep telling girls to cry him a river while he kicks them out of his crib if he could have one conversation with them that wasn't about necklaces or why all this hair keeps on coming out of his chin.

 

Parties in the USA

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Songs about parties in the USA have had a huge impact in the world. Before they existed, scientists had no idea that we could nod our heads like yeah or even move our hips like yeah!

 

Reasons they're the best

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Basically every rap song song is about how he's the best guy in history. You're right, Kanye West, devoting an entire chorus to different kinds of lights (stop lights, street lights, flash lights, light-brite, Twilight, ) does pretty much make you the illest muthaf*cker alive.

 

A new dance move

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The only couples who survive are those that teach other to Dougie. With a divorce rate above 50 percent, the Dougie may be American families' last hope.

 

Their humps

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Sometimes pop stars try to trick you into thinking that they've created a whole new kind of song by singing about their "lovely lady lumps", but don't be fooled. It's the same song about their humps we've been hearing since Sinatra's days.

 

What's your favorite kind of pop song? Let us in the comments!

 

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