How many times do you see some cool invention or tech device in a movie and scream, “I want that!” And then you turn to the person sitting next to you in the theater and scream, “Gimme that!” And then that person looks at you and says, “Who the hell are you and why are you screaming at me?” Well, we’ve all been there, which is why now we present this list of movie gadgets and gizmos that if real would certainly make our lives if not better than a lot more interesting…
Cloak of Invisibility (“Harry Potter”)
Yes, it would be amazing to have a wand that could cast spells, broomsticks that could fly and be used in varsity sports, and to be able to eat chocolate that behaves like actual frogs, making it look like you just ran down to the swamp and started shoving live amphibians in your mouth. But let’s be reasonable. Spells require magic, sitting in midair on a broom is like getting your butt flossed for several hours, and most people would greet leaping candy with a scream or vomit should they have already taken a bite. That’s why the Cloak of Invisibility is the perfect “Harry Potter” invention to make real. It lets you sneak around undetected, listen in on private conversations without anyone knowing, hide from unwanted guests, and it only scares people when you pop your head out, making it look like your severed skull just stopped by to say hi.
Flux Capacitor (“Back to the Future”)
Over the past year many have tried to make and sell technology from the “Back to the Future” series with disappointing results. From Mattel’s hoverboard that doesn’t actually hover (resulting in a wheel-less skateboard) to Nike’s self-lacing shoes that don’t actually self-lace (resulting in self-tripping sneakers), it seems like we’ll never truly own any of Marty McFly’s gadgets. But none of that would matter if scientists could only replicate Doc Brown’s flux capacitor, thereby creating time travel. Of course, if we’ve learned anything from books, TV shows, and the “Back to the Future” movies themselves, it’s that time travel only makes everything far worse, resulting in a dark, twisted, version of the world we now know. On the other hand, you’d also be able to stop yourself from ever eating that sandwich you found on the curb, so you have to take the good with the bad.
Transporter Beam (“Star Trek”)
Air travel has become such a costly, unpleasant experience, full of extra baggage fees, countless delays, and the increasing likelihood that the in-flight movie will be “What to Expect When You’re Expecting.” Having transporters, though, would let us avoid ever having to go to the second deepest pit of Hell, the airport (the very deepest pit of Hell being middle school). It would also mean there’d never be an excuse for being late, since all it would take is a press of the button and you’d instantly be at your vacation destination, a birthday party, or on stage at a concert you couldn’t get tickets to. Unfortunately, the people who now fumble around as airport screeners would almost certainly be rehired as beam operators, meaning you’d have about a 100% chance of being transported inside a tree or across six zip codes.
Heavily Armed Flying Exoskeleton (“Iron Man”)
One of the reasons we don’t all own jetpacks or flying cars is that everybody would die in mid-air collisions within the first week. And yes, combining the concept of human flight with a high-end weaponry system would only speed up mankind’s demise by approximately 6 1/2 days. But that still doesn’t make the idea of zooming through the sky in hotrod red military-grade armor helping people or scaring the crap out of them while causing enough sonic booms to revert every window back into sand any less cool. Plus, you’d have so many suit options, from the briefcase Mark V version in “Iron Man 2” to the self-assembling Mark VII version in “The Avengers” to the self-aware Mark X version in “Iron Man 3” that says, “Screw this” and gets its own apartment and life to avoid being repeatedly shot at.
Lightsabers (“Star Wars”)
Essentially futuristic dueling swords, lightsabers would have almost no practical purpose whatsoever outside of very cool Olympic events or very elegant bar fights. But practicality has never had much to do with “Star Wars,” otherwise the Empire would never have made the Death Star twice only then to sit around a conference table and say, “Who knew they would attack us with ships?!” And since—in the words of Obi-Wan Kenobi—the lightsaber harkens back to “a more civilized age,” maybe making them cheap and plentiful would add some much-needed courtesy and consideration to our society. Either that or everybody would just use them to cut hoagies in half when not lopping off each other’s right arm.
Neuralizer (“Men in Black”)
How many times have you said or done something so remarkably stupid, so unbelievably embarrassing, so requiring a change of pants and home address, that you wish you could wipe any memory of it clean without requiring an inception or nuclear device? With the mind-erasing neuralizer not only could you get rid of other people’s unpleasant memories of you, but you’d be even more confident to say or do something bold or outrageous, knowing full well that if it bombs you could start over. On the downside, though, if everyone is constantly erasing everyone else’s mind out of necessity or insecurity then eventually we’d all forget who we are, where we parked, and that the person we’re marrying is our sister.
The Whole Damn Factory (“Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory”)
A river of chocolate. A device that beams candy over television. Lickable wallpaper. Fizzy lifting drinks. A golden egg sorting room. Giant edible mushrooms that don’t result in you waking up two days later screaming and running up and down a Krogers stark naked. Willy Wonka’s factory has everything you could possibly ever want or frankly be afraid to ask for. And sure, there’s no way in hell a place like this could ever actually manufacture edible food, pass an FDA inspection, or turn a profit without running guns on the side, but who cares when you could live a life of endless wonder and have an army of Oompa Loompas at the ready should you ever tire of all those greedy little brats knocking on your door.
What other series' could potentially replace Harry Potter? Let us know in the comments!
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